Denver bound ....

Now for the most part I have been omitting some things that I did, overheard, or know about some people I have mentioned.  I don't wish to denigrate anyone's reputation, that is not my goal here.  But part of my life's journey involves all kinds of experiences, from the controversial to the very tragic.  I wish not to divulge full names here because I don't think that is necessary.  Understanding how difficult some choices were, how and why I decided what I did, that is the story I wish to leave.  It's my journey, some of these people were there along the way.  I wish no ill will on any of these people.  If I did in the past, I do not now.  I am 25 years older and understand people make mistakes, do stupid things and most of the time it is out of ignorance or faulty thinking (emotional thinking and reacting on just emotion) and can get you into trouble often. 

**** So the Fall of 1987 came and went, I was still saving money, still working at Bob Schultz, and suddenly I get a call that explains something has changed in the plans for me going out West.  Lisa has moved in with her boyfriend Jimmy and his sister and her husband.   I was like okay, where am I supposed to live?   When I would get out there I was going to have my own room.  And by then Jimmy's sister and her husband had moved out.   The whole thing was a little unnerving for me at first.  I never lived with a couple other than my parents, and honestly, by the time I was old enough to understand marriage and all that, my parents had moved into different rooms.  So the idea of living with a couple in that arrangement bothered me.  Call me strange or whatever, although I had wanted a boyfriend, like Gary, I had never really thought far enough out about living with a guy....everyday, all the time. And since I didn't even really know Jimmy that well, this arrangement made it more difficult for me to accept at first.

Another call later, I find out that Lisa's sister was doing drugs.  Well that was great.  What on Earth was I getting myself into??  I went on some holier than thou speech to Lisa about having an issue with all these things, that quite frankly I wasn't sure I wanted to "take on" in my everyday life.  I think we had a little spat about the whole thing, but in the back of my mind, I really wanted to move out of my parents' house and this was the only way I saw I could do it.   My friend Chris E. and  her Mom tried to talk me out of going, and to get my college degree.  Oh yeah, I had tried to get a Pell Grant from the state to go to UMSL but was denied it, and then after I had all these plans to move, I got another letter saying they re-evaluated my case and had accepted me and would be able to give me a grant afterall.   I was so pissed.  Here were plans to go do something fun, and the idea of college had been dismissed, only to have this opportunity to pop up again and I stubbornly dismissed it again!  This would be one of the biggest regrets of my life...

****

I continued to box up my summer clothes and sent by UPS to Lisa and she saved all my boxes for me.   In my designated bedroom.  When the time came to actually leave, I only had about 1/2 carload of boxes and the rest of my clothes that I didn't box up.  Lisa S. rode along with me when we set out in mid March 1998.  I left Bob Schultz behind, said goodbye to my family, and neighborhood friends and I am sure to others as well.  We started driving, and within 8 hours realized we were headed for some really nasty winter weather.  It was dark as coal out in the middle of Kansas on Hwy 70 in the night time.  What I hadn't known at that time, was my alternator was on the fritz.  And as I drove, I gradually noticed my headlights getting dimmer and dimmer.  We found a motel to stay at, in Goodland Kansas.  We couldn't go much further anyway, they had blocked the highway at the first exit in Colorado due to blizzard conditions.  I pulled into the parking lot, parked, and turned off the motor.  And then realized the stupid thing wouldn't restart.  The alternator belt had shot craps.  Well, I decided we'd worry about that whole thing in the morning.  No one was going to be able to take off with my car unless they could tow it, so it was pretty safe. 

Got some sleep and in the morning, a Sunday, thought I was never gonna find anyone to help me tow my car and find a shop that would be open to fix it, but my guardian angel was looking over me, and we did find a shop, and got a new belt installed on it and I think it was about $40.  I was glad it wasn't more.   We got back on the road, but because Hwy 70 was blocked right on the other side of the state line, we had to stop at the tourist center and seek another route.  We ended up taking the Hwy that went further South and bypassed most of the nasty winter weather, it headed to Colorado Springs.  Having no idea in the world what I was about to run into, I am sure I said a prayer, though I wasn't really practicing any faith at the time.  (ANOTHER topic for later).  We drove and drove, using the map I bought, and it was the weirdest thing I ever remember seeing in my life.  The white snow was mixing with the reddish Earth and tumbleweeds, the sky looked like it was snowing colorful snow!   I had never seen it before or since.  I remember making comments about it, like jokingly to Lisa S.  She laughed.  She always laughed at the silly stuff I said.  I was glad she was there. 

Now further into this detour we needed to refuel, but had no idea where the gas stations were.  It wasn't like you could see things far ahead, and this wasn't an interstate highway, so there weren't all the fancier big signs to let you know when food or gas was coming up.  We were getting low on fuel, I remember getting quite nervous of being stranded out in the middle Colorado in a blizzard with a car that wasn't 100% reliable.  BUT we finally found a station, gassed up, and continued on our way.  I was more interested in getting to my final destination than looking at things around me or taking pictures.  I wish now I had taken some pictures.  It might have been great to add to this post.  

I had taken a lot of change with me and called Lisa R. when we stopped off in Colorado Springs.  Back at the motel, I called and charged it to the room, so I paid for one call there.  On the road though needed change, there were no cell phones in my life back then, most of them came with the higher end cars.  My Dodge Omni was not a high end car, by any means.  I let her know we were on a detour and had no idea when I would be in Denver, but as soon as we hit I25, I knew things would speed up quick.  This highway goes North and South on the Eastern plains near the base of the Rocky Mountains.  Since the winter blizzard didn't allow any visibility, I didn't get to enjoy the drive during the day to see the Mountain range as we got closer to them  It was a long long day to drive so far out of the way.   But we finally got into town, it was dark again.  Got on Alameda and drove to my new apartment, my new digs as I call them now.  I was never so glad to have that entire road trip behind me. 

Lisa S. stayed with us for a couple days.   We had one night of partying before Lisa S. went back home.  I loved to drink alcohol back then, so I know I got a little buzzed and that helped calmed my nerves.   After that was over, Lisa S took a flight back to St. Louis, and back to her home.  It would now be a never ending saga of one drama after another....  ooh, I don't want to give away anything yet.   You have to read up on it all next time.

..... journeys from home to the unknown can be filled with excitement or fear, contentment or panic.  My saga was filled with all these things and more.  You often learn a lot about yourself (and others) through the super joy joys, and the super discontented times....  I didn't always behave well or mature, or even close to rational.   But I learned from all these adventures and my reactions to them.   It took a lifetime to feel safe and secure of mind to even begin to share all this.   But in the sharing I hope to illustrate how slowly I learned to find myself....there is so much to share, I hope you hang on and continue to read on.   

Yours truly (with cigarette in hand), Lisa S., and Lisa's sister

 

Jimmy and Lisa R. (my new roomies)