Tragedy Amongst Us....

Lisa's parents both smoked and both drank wine every night.  I think they were very close.  Her mom was an excellent cook, her dad was a good man and could fix anything.  He worked at TWA and could fix anything, and did his own car maintenance.  The family drove all the different models of Oldsmobile vehicles.  That was a pretty good manufacturer back in the 80s from what I recall.  There was routine every time I visited, and I just had to follow Lisa's lead because the whole thing was so different from the way I was raised. 

Now you have to understand Lisa's mom was very old school and very strict about a lot of things.  Things I was not used to at all.  She adamantly expected everyone living in her home and all her guests to remove their shoes at either door before walking anywhere in her home.   This was as foreign a concept to me as was speaking German, Lisa's Mother's native tongue.  I got reprimanded a few times for not doing this.  Lisa was the one that taught me this rule.  I was always tip toeing around like I was on eggshells walking in that house. 

There was the living room of all white furniture, never allowed to use that room until one Christmas.  It was a room to show off nice décor and I think her collection of things in a curio cabinet.  I was in shock when we got to go in that room, sit on the floor and exchange Christmas gifts one year.

Sometime I think in 1986 Lisa's parents made arrangements for the 3 of them to fly to Germany and stay there for a couple weeks.  They asked me to take care of their home, and their poodle dog Brandy.  I did.  I got to stay there and sleep in the guest bedroom.  I listened to their stereo and just enjoyed myself.  No one but my family knew I was staying there.  No one bothered me, and me and Brandy got along okay.  She was a cranky dog sometimes.  I remember watching MTV videos and seeing Whitney Houston sing some of her best songs.  And George Harrison sing "I Got My Mind Set On You."   I always have songs to remember certain events, this was a one that reminded me of that time.  

In 1987, Lisa's Mom had to be in the hospital for tests.   I went to visit her.  I don't know what they found then.   I don't know what symptoms she had been having, but I knew that Lisa being my best friend, I had to visit her mother in the hospital.  I think she was glad I came by.  I just wasn't the most comfortable in new situations then. 

After I moved to Aurora, CO, in March 1988, Lisa got the worst news from her Dad.  Her Mom had been diagnosed with terminal cancer.  Pancreatic cancer.   Lisa flew back home to ST Louis to see her mom.  She said that her mom wanted to take her shopping and ended up picking out a nice dress.  It was black.   Her mom looked thinner than she remembered her being.  I think the prognosis was 3-6 months to live.  Her dad worked to find a treatment center that could help prolong her life, it was in Houston.  Lisa's mom died before the arrangements could be made to do that.  She was only 56.  

The morning her mother died, we got a call early in the morning from her Dad that she had passed over night.  She had gotten up to use the restroom and collapsed.  She was all but 90 pounds or so.  Since Lisa's Dad worked for the airlines, she got to travel for only $10 a flight on standby.  Sometimes that meant waiting for a flight that had at least one seat left.  She and her sister flew out for the funeral.   It was the saddest time in my life.  Jimmy gave Lisa an Alf doll to put in her Mother's casket, he knew she loved Alf.  She was like Jimmy's 2nd mom. 

This was in June 1988.   During this same Spring 3 of my relatives had passed within a couple months of each other.  My Dad lost two of his sister's Peggy and Doris, and Mom lost her oldest brother Cyril.  I missed all the funerals.   My brother latter wrote me and said it was a pretty depressing time.  And mom must have gotten tired of going to a funeral about every other week.  But she went to all four of them, I do believe.  

.....death is a part of life.  Some believe it is just the beginning to a new life.   Those left to mourn their loss sometimes have to spend a long time sorting through their feelings about the loved one lost, some move on quite quickly after a short mournful time.  Each of us has a different relationship and different emotional sense about such things.   There really is no right or wrong length of time to mourn someone.  More to come about the after effects of Lisa's Mom's death to come. 

Mom's Family ....

Okay, so I misspoke in a prior post.  Mom was one of 10 kids.  She had 3 older sisters, and 6 brothers.  I couldn't imagine having that big of a family...   Not sure if they all were living in the house at the same time, because of the age difference of the oldest and the youngest, both boys, but even so, many had to share the same bed.   I was complaining in an earlier post about sharing a bed with my sister, that was sharing with one other person.  I cannot imagine sharing a single bed of any size with 2 or 3 others.

Having never met my Grandpa (Frank), I have not much to say on him.  I don't recall many stories about him, I was after all one of the youngest of his grand kids.  I think there were several of us he never met because he died in the 1956, kind of right in the middle when all his brood were off having or adding to their own families.  I just know he and some of his sons worked at building houses. 

After Grandpa died, three of Mom's brothers moved their families down to the Baton Rouge area to build homes.  I'm guessing they found a market where new homes were needed down South.  I got to meet all my LA cousins when I was 5 years old.   Mom and Dad got plane tickets and we all headed down there to visit for a few days.  I don't recall the flight to and from Baton Rouge.  I only have a few memories at all.  My Aunt Dot (married to Uncle Lambert) had a Chihuahua dog that barked and barked and scared me senseless.  We slept in a room, and it seemed like we slept on the floor in sleeping bags under a pool table.  Don't know why, just remember looking up at the underside of a table.  And I remember Aunt Mary Jo (married to Uncle Chip) scaling the catfish that some of the Uncles caught and I high tailed out of the kitchen when I saw all the blood in the sink. 

I was most fond of my Aunt Mary.   She had the Southern accent I loved, and she was the only relative I remember that gave hugs and kisses.  I loved that!!!   She'd call all the kids "sugar" when she answered their questions.  Mary was married to Mom's brother Maurice.  They were married nearly 50 years when she got melanoma and died from complications of the treatment while in the hospital.   Thankfully Brian and I had decided to go visit my relatives in LA the Summer before.  We only got to see them, and I truly believe that God worked that out just the way want He intended.  I got to see LA as an adult and have even more good memories of my Aunt Mary.  Sweet lady for sure!

Now Mom had 3 other brothers that never moved out of the metro area.   One was my Godfather Cyril, he was married twice, he lost his first wife Hazel when I was eight.  I remember his 2nd wife more, Aunt Marie.  Then there was Uncle Hubert (married to Aunt Margie).  He passed away the year my Dad was diagnosed with Bipolar disease.  Not sure what took his life, but Mom's family is plagued all around with heart disease and blood clotting issues.   Cyril had a few kids, Hubert had a huge brood like his parents.  And then there is my Uncle Francis.  He's the only bachelor, and still alive and kicking...though not like he used to do when he was in a Square Dance club many moons ago.  He takes care of driving his 2 widowed sisters (my Mom and my Aunt Alberta). 

Mom lost one sister a couple years ago, her name was Aunt Marcella.  Then there is Aunt Rosalie, she just celebrated 70 years of marriage to her loving husband, my Uncle Andy.  And Aunt Alberta, who goes by Berti, she lost her husband Alfred way back when I was a kid.   Uncle Francis drives his sisters to family events and to play cards wherever they are doing so.  Aunt Berti is 95 years old and doesn't get out much anymore.   Back in the day, Uncle Francis had everyone to his house, barbecue, chatter and card games, and LAUGHTER, that's all you would hear at his place all day long.  Kids roaming in and out of the rooms and outside.  We always had fun on that side of the family. 

And you know who nurtured this happy family and laughter and ritual of card games?   My lovely Grandma.   I have lots of memories of her.  She taught us 3 kids how to play simple card games, and all the Aunts and some of the Uncles and few of the cousins would love to sit at the big kitchen table and play card games that went quick and elicited laughter and fun times.   Grandma was a good cook, my sister and I found out one Easter when we stayed with her, and woke to smells of bacon and eggs, and every morning listening to the singing of "The Lord's Prayer" on the local am station.   Yes we had fun with Grandma and loved visiting her.   In 1973 when the big rivers all flooded, Grandma came and stayed with us.  That was fun!   The following year, when I was only 7, Grandma died after having a severe stroke, blood clots in her legs that had her lose a leg and then her life.  Hers was the first funeral I ever remember, and the first time I ever saw my Mother cry. 

  ....  family is the ever evolving group of people that give rise to memories and gives life meaning.

 

My Grandma and Grandpa Saale on their wedding day Sept. 14, 1915