Denver bound ....

Now for the most part I have been omitting some things that I did, overheard, or know about some people I have mentioned.  I don't wish to denigrate anyone's reputation, that is not my goal here.  But part of my life's journey involves all kinds of experiences, from the controversial to the very tragic.  I wish not to divulge full names here because I don't think that is necessary.  Understanding how difficult some choices were, how and why I decided what I did, that is the story I wish to leave.  It's my journey, some of these people were there along the way.  I wish no ill will on any of these people.  If I did in the past, I do not now.  I am 25 years older and understand people make mistakes, do stupid things and most of the time it is out of ignorance or faulty thinking (emotional thinking and reacting on just emotion) and can get you into trouble often. 

**** So the Fall of 1987 came and went, I was still saving money, still working at Bob Schultz, and suddenly I get a call that explains something has changed in the plans for me going out West.  Lisa has moved in with her boyfriend Jimmy and his sister and her husband.   I was like okay, where am I supposed to live?   When I would get out there I was going to have my own room.  And by then Jimmy's sister and her husband had moved out.   The whole thing was a little unnerving for me at first.  I never lived with a couple other than my parents, and honestly, by the time I was old enough to understand marriage and all that, my parents had moved into different rooms.  So the idea of living with a couple in that arrangement bothered me.  Call me strange or whatever, although I had wanted a boyfriend, like Gary, I had never really thought far enough out about living with a guy....everyday, all the time. And since I didn't even really know Jimmy that well, this arrangement made it more difficult for me to accept at first.

Another call later, I find out that Lisa's sister was doing drugs.  Well that was great.  What on Earth was I getting myself into??  I went on some holier than thou speech to Lisa about having an issue with all these things, that quite frankly I wasn't sure I wanted to "take on" in my everyday life.  I think we had a little spat about the whole thing, but in the back of my mind, I really wanted to move out of my parents' house and this was the only way I saw I could do it.   My friend Chris E. and  her Mom tried to talk me out of going, and to get my college degree.  Oh yeah, I had tried to get a Pell Grant from the state to go to UMSL but was denied it, and then after I had all these plans to move, I got another letter saying they re-evaluated my case and had accepted me and would be able to give me a grant afterall.   I was so pissed.  Here were plans to go do something fun, and the idea of college had been dismissed, only to have this opportunity to pop up again and I stubbornly dismissed it again!  This would be one of the biggest regrets of my life...

****

I continued to box up my summer clothes and sent by UPS to Lisa and she saved all my boxes for me.   In my designated bedroom.  When the time came to actually leave, I only had about 1/2 carload of boxes and the rest of my clothes that I didn't box up.  Lisa S. rode along with me when we set out in mid March 1998.  I left Bob Schultz behind, said goodbye to my family, and neighborhood friends and I am sure to others as well.  We started driving, and within 8 hours realized we were headed for some really nasty winter weather.  It was dark as coal out in the middle of Kansas on Hwy 70 in the night time.  What I hadn't known at that time, was my alternator was on the fritz.  And as I drove, I gradually noticed my headlights getting dimmer and dimmer.  We found a motel to stay at, in Goodland Kansas.  We couldn't go much further anyway, they had blocked the highway at the first exit in Colorado due to blizzard conditions.  I pulled into the parking lot, parked, and turned off the motor.  And then realized the stupid thing wouldn't restart.  The alternator belt had shot craps.  Well, I decided we'd worry about that whole thing in the morning.  No one was going to be able to take off with my car unless they could tow it, so it was pretty safe. 

Got some sleep and in the morning, a Sunday, thought I was never gonna find anyone to help me tow my car and find a shop that would be open to fix it, but my guardian angel was looking over me, and we did find a shop, and got a new belt installed on it and I think it was about $40.  I was glad it wasn't more.   We got back on the road, but because Hwy 70 was blocked right on the other side of the state line, we had to stop at the tourist center and seek another route.  We ended up taking the Hwy that went further South and bypassed most of the nasty winter weather, it headed to Colorado Springs.  Having no idea in the world what I was about to run into, I am sure I said a prayer, though I wasn't really practicing any faith at the time.  (ANOTHER topic for later).  We drove and drove, using the map I bought, and it was the weirdest thing I ever remember seeing in my life.  The white snow was mixing with the reddish Earth and tumbleweeds, the sky looked like it was snowing colorful snow!   I had never seen it before or since.  I remember making comments about it, like jokingly to Lisa S.  She laughed.  She always laughed at the silly stuff I said.  I was glad she was there. 

Now further into this detour we needed to refuel, but had no idea where the gas stations were.  It wasn't like you could see things far ahead, and this wasn't an interstate highway, so there weren't all the fancier big signs to let you know when food or gas was coming up.  We were getting low on fuel, I remember getting quite nervous of being stranded out in the middle Colorado in a blizzard with a car that wasn't 100% reliable.  BUT we finally found a station, gassed up, and continued on our way.  I was more interested in getting to my final destination than looking at things around me or taking pictures.  I wish now I had taken some pictures.  It might have been great to add to this post.  

I had taken a lot of change with me and called Lisa R. when we stopped off in Colorado Springs.  Back at the motel, I called and charged it to the room, so I paid for one call there.  On the road though needed change, there were no cell phones in my life back then, most of them came with the higher end cars.  My Dodge Omni was not a high end car, by any means.  I let her know we were on a detour and had no idea when I would be in Denver, but as soon as we hit I25, I knew things would speed up quick.  This highway goes North and South on the Eastern plains near the base of the Rocky Mountains.  Since the winter blizzard didn't allow any visibility, I didn't get to enjoy the drive during the day to see the Mountain range as we got closer to them  It was a long long day to drive so far out of the way.   But we finally got into town, it was dark again.  Got on Alameda and drove to my new apartment, my new digs as I call them now.  I was never so glad to have that entire road trip behind me. 

Lisa S. stayed with us for a couple days.   We had one night of partying before Lisa S. went back home.  I loved to drink alcohol back then, so I know I got a little buzzed and that helped calmed my nerves.   After that was over, Lisa S took a flight back to St. Louis, and back to her home.  It would now be a never ending saga of one drama after another....  ooh, I don't want to give away anything yet.   You have to read up on it all next time.

..... journeys from home to the unknown can be filled with excitement or fear, contentment or panic.  My saga was filled with all these things and more.  You often learn a lot about yourself (and others) through the super joy joys, and the super discontented times....  I didn't always behave well or mature, or even close to rational.   But I learned from all these adventures and my reactions to them.   It took a lifetime to feel safe and secure of mind to even begin to share all this.   But in the sharing I hope to illustrate how slowly I learned to find myself....there is so much to share, I hope you hang on and continue to read on.   

Yours truly (with cigarette in hand), Lisa S., and Lisa's sister

 

Jimmy and Lisa R. (my new roomies)

Circles Of Friends ...

I met a lot of people in Business School, but the main person I became very close to was Lisa R.  She introduced me to tons of people over the course of our friendship. Now honestly I cannot remember the order of when some things happened but I'll do my best to tell the stories as best I can remember.  

First was Lisa S.  Lisa S.'s father owned a car dealership in the Metro area.  I never met her parents but I did meet her brothers.  I recall going to a lake, possibly The Lake of the Ozarks, and swimming off a dock and drinking.  I know the older brother of Lisa S. was there.  But there were several people there I didn't know.  I could swim fine but I was afraid of lakes and rivers that were deep that I couldn't see the bottom of.  Oh that was a huge fear of mine.  I just stayed near the dock for fear of floating out too far and being bounced around in the waves when boats would fly by.  I just stayed around Lisa R. and listened to the goings on.  I was a bit out of my element being around so many people I didn't know and with guys around.  I always felt like it was mandatory to be flirting with guys ... and I just didn't know how to do that yet.

There was Kelly and her husband and family.  Lisa R. and I probably spent several weekends hanging with them.  Lisa met Kelly at a place she worked.  I remember attending Kelly's wedding reception and that they had a macaw, huge bird.   I always was fascinated by the talking birds of the parrot family.  Kelly and her husband had a lot of issues, and I don't know whatever happened to them. 

Lisa R. was known for trying to help others any way she could.  She loved to see married couples get along, and she LOVED with a Capital "L" children!  Anyone that had a little one, she was all over it.  I loved kids too, I just wasn't as open with new ones I was introduced to, they always seemed a little scared of me.  Lisa also loved animals, particularly dogs I believe.  Anyone who had a dog, big or small, she showed affection towards.  I was not particularly keen to large dogs, as I had gotten bit by a dog when I was a child and bigger dogs just intimidated me. 

Lisa R. was a person of great emotion.  She was dating Greg when I met her.  He was a very unique and loveable person.  He had a wonderful talent in art, especially with his drawing.  He was a super fanatic of the rock group "KISS" and could draw every member and every record album perfectly by memory.   I was in awe with his artistic ability. He also was trained as a drummer.  Another cool thing I liked about Greg.  I'll mention more about this in a later post.  Greg was in love with Lisa.  That was utterly apparent.  She loved him, but her parents did not.  It was that great stress of having one's parents not approve of your choices of mates that would have her leave Greg and latch onto someone else. 

The someone else I am referring to is Ron.  He was a nice guy, but something about him I didn't care for.  He was a volunteer EMT I believe.  One of the first guys I sort of dated was Bill.  He was Ron's friend.  Bill was a unique dude.  I don't remember much about him and I think that was a practical thing on my part.  We went out a couple times, and one evening Lisa and I met up with Ron and Bill.  Lisa and Ron went off to talk alone, leaving Bill with me alone.  He was interested in robotic gizmos, and told me about his robotic helicopter.  We were sitting on someone's car, and talking for a couple hours it seems.  Then Lisa and Ron returned, we all went to Bill's house and that's when things got way too serious for me.  Lisa and Ron spent time together and Bill was acting weird and I guess trying to come on to me.  I just was so afraid, so naïve, and I kept telling him no.  He left me on the sofa. It was like 3am I think.  I tried to go to sleep, kept hoping Lisa would return so we could go home.  It was like 5am when we finally got home.  I was coming in as my Mom was getting up.  That was awfully strange to say the least.  I was angry with Lisa for putting me in that uncomfortable spot, as I had no way to leave...she was my ride.   And the last thing I remember about Bill was that he and Lisa had a talk about me, and then he started hitting on her.  Well then I think she understood why I was uncomfortable.  One of the first paralyzing memories I have of dating a guy.  Really messed with my head for a LONG time after that.

Early in 1987 I had met Gary through Greg. Gary and I dated for a few months. Gary, Greg and Chuck, all lived at the Salvation Army residence in town. Gary was from Indiana and was in the Missouri National Guard. He didn't have a settled home and wound up in my hometown. Chuck, well, I am not sure I know where Chuck was from. He and Gary met up with Greg at The Salvation Army home and became friends. Greg thought Gary was my type I guess and I dated him. He was a very timid soul. We got a long pretty well. The three guys managed to get some work lined up and rented a townhome together. It was a new place, really nice, a bedroom for each of them. Chuck always felt out of place, he wasn't dating anyone and I think seeing Lisa with Greg and me with Gary made him feel a little like a 5th wheel when we all went out to dinner or do anything together. We spent a lot of time at that townhouse.

Gary was into me, but I was not as responsive as he would like. Again, naïve and fearful of guys, thanks to Bill, I was just not sure about getting involved in a romance with Gary. I really needed support and guidance from Lisa, but she was too interested in her romance with Greg that she was not paying attention to much else.  So I just didn't accept Gary's advances and eventually he would find someone else to get heavily involved with.  Don't know where he picked up this gal, but she was every bit 10-15 years older than him.  I was jealous and hurt... and Lisa was mad as heck at Gary for hurting me so.  I hadn't felt like I was in love with him, and for me to get seriously involved with anyone had to have love and passion there.  After he effectively dumped me, probably weeks later, I could tell that I had felt something for him.   And then started blaming myself for not responding to his needs sooner.  It was the first time I had dated and had my heart broken.  This would haunt me for a long time...not Gary particularly, but just the idea I had a guy, refused him and then was dumped.   Rejection of that type hurts very deeply.  I wouldn't understand the confusion I was in for a long long time. 

In July 1987 Lisa and I flew out to Denver, her old hometown, and stayed with her former neighbors.  They put us up for the time we were out there.  Lisa used to babysit their kids, I was introduced to them all.  The boy played ice hockey and I remember him getting all his gear together to go to practice.  Nice kids.  Nice family.  I cannot recall their names anymore.  But I do remember feeling very welcomed there. 

While out in Denver for this visit, Lisa also introduced me to her former boyfriend, Jimmy.  And to Jimmy's parents and brother and sister-in-law.  It was July, got to be 95 degrees during the day.  Hot but not humid.  Something very new to me, as St. Louis July summer days could equally get up to 95 but it was also always oppressively humid.  Something I detested.  In the evening, in Denver, it got down into the 50s, huge drop in temp, and with the low humidity it felt like it was in the 40s to me.  I had to borrow a winter coat so I wouldn't freeze.  Lisa and Jimmy laughed at me wearing a winter coat in July, but hey when you're cold, you're cold!

I loved Denver, smog and all!  The family we were staying with took Lisa and I on a drive to Evergreen Colorado, which was in the foothills of the Rockies.  Gorgeous!  It was so cool to drive into the mountains, first time I had ever seen MOUNTAINS in my life!  You could see them from Denver pretty well if the brown smog wasn't bad.  Hwy 70 goes west straight into and through the mountains, literally.   Before getting there though you had to drive by Stapleton Airport, and that was the first time I had been on a highway the went under the airport...well the runways actually.  That was so cool....long tunnels to drive in.  2 to be exact.  St Louis would much later expand and create something similar, but not with a highway such as I70 driving under/through it. 

Lisa and Jimmy were high school sweethearts, but Lisa had to move after high school when her Dad got transferred to St Louis.  He worked for TWA airlines.  They were all originally from New York City, Long Island.  He got transferred to Denver when Lisa was in grade school.  Lisa always told me lots of stories about the people she knew in NYC and Denver, and always talked about Jimmy.  Even sometimes while dating Greg.  I just knew her heart was split on these two fellas.  Ron was just someone that was accepted by her parents, but not like Greg or like Jimmy.  I didn't have a preference of either, both were fun to be around.  Greg was from the country and was an unbridled kind of guy with I think ambition to be in a Rock Band and to get out of his hometown and be with Lisa.  Jimmy didn't have a passion in any type of particular work, he just wanted to party and have fun.  That's what I remember of these two guys.


....some relationships are not meant to last a lifetime, but all relationships teach us something.  They teach us about humanity, about ourselves, and about human emotions of all kinds.  I would soon be experiencing all sorts of emotions in the many months that followed my trip to Denver.  Hang on....literally and figuratively...the ride is going to get very bumpy!




Here are some photos of some of the people during this time.  No I have no photos of Gary, Chuck, Ron, Bill or even myself.  I always was the one behind the camera.   I was the one wanting to take photos of others as keepsakes...for this very blog even before blogs were invented!  If I find any photos of any of these folks, I will update this post.  I always do.


 

 

Kelly at her home Christmas 1986

 

 

 

Greg and Lisa (and Greg's nephew) at Greg's Sister's home



Lisa S., Lisa R. and Greg down on the Riverfront