Down To Business ...

During the Summer of 1985, again my Mom did some research and found that I could attend Sanford-Brown Business School (not an accredited college yet) and it would cost NOTHING.  Because of the financial status of our family, I would be able to attend school, tuition and books fully paid and get a diploma in whatever program they offered.   This was wonderful news to me! 

I wanted to go to a 4 year university and get a degree, but could not see why I couldn't follow in my Dad's footsteps and attend the Business School he did many years prior.   So Mom and I headed to the school, talked with an admissions advisor, and I chose to take the program on Data Entry and Computer Principles.   Computers were finally beginning to become prominent in business and it seemed like a good fit for me...I wanted to work in a white collar job like my parents did when they met and married.

August 1985 was the beginning of classes.  Unlike all my high school classes and teachers I remember to this day, I don't recall all the classes and really don't remember teacher names during the 9 months I attended SBBS.  What I do remember more are some of the people I met, some of the work I did and some of the antics that went on.  It was like college but still more like high school to me.  I went to class and again did well in all of them.   I really didn't make any friends there until December 1985.  I was a shy one, new environment, and all new people surrounding me.  I wasn't known for being an extrovert at all!  

First two people I met and befriended were both named Lisa.  Then I met Donna.  Then we all met Mona and her sister.  The five of us would do stuff together outside of our classes.   Lisa S. lived in the dorms across town from the college.  Lisa R. and myself still lived at home.  Mona and her sister I believe lived an apartment near the highway.   And Donna lived at home with her significant other.  During the rest of the school year I had visited each of these places.  Only Lisa R. had been to my house.  I was still anxious about anyone turning up at my home with my Dad there.  I just didn't want him to embarrass himself or me, in front of my friends. 

The two Lisa's knew others at the dorms and I met a lot of guys and gals there.  Several times throughout the school year, we'd finish classes (around 1pm) and head to the dorms and party over there.  That was my introduction to dorm life.  Sometimes we'd skip our last class, I was doing well in the class, so skipping it didn't bother me much.  It was like a learn on your own thing for one of the programming languages I was learning.  We'd head to the Lee's Fried Chicken restaurant down the street and have lunch and just plain enjoy ourselves.  I loved this school year after I met these people.  I let some of my defenses down and had a good time as a 19 year old in a new environment.

On many Tuesday nights, the two Lisa's and I would travel across the river into Illinois (the East side) and go to a Ladies night at Stages, a dance club.  That was my introduction to drinking and dancing...and men looking to pick up girls.  For the life of me I could never figure out how it was legal for this bar to serve girls underage.  Everyone entering had to show their driver license.  And girls were allowed in if they were at least 19.  Guys had to be 21.   Thinking back on it now, it was the ultimate in hookup places.  Although, I can admit now, I was never "picked up" in that place.  I had a dueling feeling in my heart about that.  On the one hand I really wanted a guy to ask me to dance (that never happened) and on the other hand I was way out of my element and scared of older guys.  In reality, this was really not a safe place to be for a naïve girl like myself.   I just wanted to belong, and dance, and have friends.  And drink. 

We were there once at this club and some male strippers were performing.  I was totally freaking out at all that.  Watching the looser girls up by the stage carrying on, I would laugh, I would stare, I would turn my head, I just didn't know what the heck to do.  That was the only one of a few times I ever was in proximity to male strippers. 

What I truly enjoyed was the band that played live there on Tuesday nights.  They were called Tropix.  They were very good.  The lead singer was a very attractive guy, his brother was in the band, and if I wasn't checking out their performances, I was eyeing the keyboardist.  That was the instrument I loved back then.  The brother of the lead singer was dating some girl that worked at the hair salon Lisa R. went to get her hair done.  That's how Stages became a part of our lives for several months. 

A few times instead of heading to the bar, we stayed at the dorms and drank and played games or watched sports on TV.  I remember attempting to drink a 6 pack of beer and not being able to get past can number 5.  I was pretty drunk, and although that was not the first time I had gotten that drunk, I was happy that no one took advantage of my state.  I really didn't think too far ahead about what could have happened in those circumstances.  I think all my experiences back then taught me how easy it is for girls to get into a load of trouble with guys and one thing leading to another, all while under the influence.  You have to remember this was 1985-1986, when AIDS was in the news all over the place.  All I remember back then was it was a sexually transmitted disease, and I didn't want that death sentence.  I think this was one of the main reasons I didn't try to open myself up to any guys and date back then.   I just didn't trust guys and I didn't want to get AIDS.  (Oh, normally you'd hear girls say they didn't want to get pregnant....well, that was not an issue for me....you'll learn why soon.)

Lisa R. was good friends with Lisa S.  But Lisa R. and I would become very close friends and do lots of stuff together.  When it came time for graduation in June 1986, Lisa R.'s parents invited my parents to their home to meet and then go to the graduation ceremony.  I was concerned the whole time about how my Dad would be perceived.  I was happy to learn later from my mom that everything went well.  And later still learn from Lisa that her parents liked my parents.   That was a blessing.  Lisa's Mom could be quite particular about other people's manners.  I never knew my Dad to have manners...sad to say.  But I guess he was on his best behavior, and that I loved to hear!

The ceremony was at a unique place.  And the stage was a place celebrities came to perform, and the whole stage rotated around and around!   Really wild.   But it moved slowly, so everyone in a 360-degree circle around it could see the going's on up on stage.  I again had to wear a cap and gown and received a diploma for my efforts.  I earned a 3.9 GPA that year, and I was most pleased with that accomplishment.  I think my parents were too! 

Many kids go off to college and have fun, learn new subjects, make friends and "sow their oats" so to speak, before getting serious and finishing degrees and getting married and having families.  I started out pretty much the same way, but life didn't exactly progress in the same manner that many of my High School friends lives did.   I wouldn't continue college after Sanford-Brown as I intended.  I got involved in other going's on, and headed down a different path.  My life would soon become an adventure...sometimes interesting, sometimes scary.  Never boring. 

....life is never predictable.  You can plan something for years and things change midstream when you least expect it.  You can be enjoying your youth and suddenly be transported into very adult situations and have no idea how to deal with things.  These are the things I contended with.  Sometimes well, sometimes not.   More to this life saga coming up, stay tuned ....

The facade of Sanford-Brown campus.

The school was in front of a golf course.

I took this picture because of the humor of it all. 

 

Lisa R. (in the hat) and Donna taken indoors from the patio

where we'd congregate between classes.

I couldn't find any pictures of myself at this time in my life at school.  Ahh..

Then And Now ...

I feel it behooves me to state some comparisons here about what it was like when I was a kid and what it is like now. 

Societal norms have changed a lot.  Government "interference" in daily life has changed a lot.   How parents rear their children has changed.  And how kids interact with the world at large has changed IMMENSELY.  And I got examples!

When I was a kid in the 70s, corporal punishment by a teacher or principal was legally and ethically fine.  I know this because on one occasion in the 2nd grade I had been punished by the principal with a paddle.  Not fun at all.  Kids were raised to respect their elders and many parents used corporal punishment at home.  Mine sure did. 

Today's youth seem to be allowed to bully their peers, their parents, their teachers, and there are a lot of stories of kids calling the authorities on their parents if they touched them.   What was once acceptable discipline, is now possibly against the law in some counties.   Striking a child with a paddle isn't, at it's heart, a very fun thing to do.  And I mean one good whack on the tush, not a repeated thing intent on injury.  

We were given a choice of paddling or standing in the corner.  I always chose the least painful option, and stood in the corner.  This was at home mind you.  When I got older, no choices, it always was "go to your room."  I was a sassy teenager.  I admit it.  If I heard my Dad raise his voice, it was cringe time, and time to shut the heck up!   Kids nowadays don't even care about all that.  They just talk louder right back.  Some parents have become their children's friends, and opt to do no spanking and let their children seemingly do whatever they want in public.  This always disturbs me, cause it seems like some parents have let the child take over the household.  That never would have happened in my parent's home.  NEVER!

After I graduated high school things seemed to change quickly, and now you see and hear more kids being verbally belligerent, ignoring authorities, and more bullying and unfortunately criminal behavior with guns and mass shootings in schools.  My has the world changed so much in 30 years. 

Of course technology has changed immensely since the 70s.  TVs only brought in local channels.  Most were huge boxes with vacuum tubes and giant monitors.  And, oh dear, you had to get up and turn a dial or touch some buttons to change the channel!  Most families only had 1 or 2 TVs and most kids didn't have their own TVs in their bedrooms. 

Computers in business, computers in schools, computers in the homes....this phenomenon didn't occur until the 80s.  We never had a computer in the home until after my brother graduated high school.  I first learned how to write a simple computer program in my senior year.  It was on a Radio Shack TSR80 computer.  The monitor only displayed 2 colors, black and white.  No pretty dance of the spectrum of the rainbow.  That came a few years later. 

When I was a kid, art was my world... common mediums were markers, pencil, wood, glue, and paper of all kinds.  Now things are created on computer screens with many different programming tools.  2D is common, 3D is the rage now.  And kids can create many things I never even dreamed of when I was in elementary school.   They pick up any computerized gizmo and suddenly are like Rembrandt to a canvas, they design things as if it is no big deal! 

Now I like the changes in technology, don't get me wrong. I'm a sucker for my IPhone, IPad and computer.  I can communicate with more people in a click of a button than the number of people I ever knew in my 13 years of schooling (before college).  What I realized over the past several years, is they can become your life, become addicting, and change your moods.  Not good if you cannot control what you do with them and how long you spend on them or in front of them.  

Society has not been able to KEEP OUT the unwanted things though with this rampant technological age of changes.  Spam hits our emails, graphic sexual displays are clicks away for youth to see, hackers get into every kind of business' computer system and steal names, numbers, and destroy people's financial lives and sense of security.  

I never ever thought of the number of ways technology could be used to harm others while I was learning about computers.  I was always amazed and engrossed in the ways text could be manipulated on the screen, the background colors could be arranged, the way you can click on a word on the screen and something happens.  THAT was amazing to me.  Knowing how to ruin someone else's life was not in my heart.   That part has always stumped me, but I guess some people get a kick of out the evil they can partake in, at the expense of others lives and well-being. 

Parents have to be diligent to monitor their children in new and inventive ways.  Parents are busy with their work and careers, now they must be cognizant with what their kids are doing on computers and who they interact with.  I don't recall being concerned with so much when I was a youth.  And since I don't have children, I have not had the same worries as those peers of mine that do. 

Life has gotten crazier in many respects.   And I believe some of it has to be from disengaging in personal one-on-one interaction and caring about others.  I love my computerized gizmos, and I love "talking" with others on them; but they do not make up for the human connection through personal touch, hugs, and kisses, and companionship while sitting in the same room as another.  The art of everyday conversation has turned into the art of texting while driving and hoping to avoid the next accident.

    ....  in some ways life brings new exciting things, in other ways it loses its sense of meaning.  Hold on, we'll be back to my life's journey next time. 

 

 

 

 

 

Easters Past ....

Happy Easter one and all!

I wanted to leave you with some remembrances past of the holiday of Easter.  We'll be back to discussing my family linage and all things relative (pun intended).   I have added a playlist of 2 of my favorite Easter hymns.   Play them if you want while you're reading today's post.

Coming from a Catholic background, we had to go to Mass Easter morning every year, and like they always say, those that don't worship weekly always show up on Easter and Christmas services.  I don't recall an Easter Mass that didn't have lines of people standing around the back and side of Church.  

We usually went out for brunch on Easter and then back home to see what all the Easter Bunny left us.   Each of kids with our baskets and always plenty of chocolates and sweets, and my favorite the big Chocolate Bunny.   I loved eating that bunny, ears first so he couldn't hear the rest of us. 

One Easter weekend my Mom had the family over, not sure if it was a mixture of Mom's family and Dad's, I just remember because the weather wasn't good outside, she hid colored eggs all over the house so all the young kids could look for them.   That was a fun holiday that year. 

There was the year that I remember Mom looking out the window and telling us the Easter Bunny was outside in the yard, bringing us our eggs.  I believed her, I always believed what the adults told me about such things....until I was old enough to know better.   I had pictured in my mind I would run outside to greet the Easter Bunny, but I didn't.   Part of me was too scared, cause I knew he was huge.  

Easter is the highlight of the Christian faith, when Jesus died for our sins and rose again on the third day.  When you're a kid you might not understand any of that part, but you always remember the eggs and beautiful Spring colors and bunnies. 

Enjoy your holiday those of you that Celebrate Easter!

Joy and Peace

He Is Risen !

Symbol of new life and rebirth

Mom ...

Mom was one of 10 kids.

Mom's mother lived in Portage Des Sioux, a farm town not that far away from us. Grandpa died in 1956, 10 years before I was born. Mom was the youngest of 4 girls. I always brag on the fact that she was so smart, she skipped 1st grade, or maybe kindergarten. She graduated high school when she was 16 years old. I am not quite sure but I don't think all of her siblings finished their schooling. Families that lived on farms didn't always have all the young-ins finish school. Many of them just worked and then married young and started their own families.

My Mom though had a different calling in high school. She went into a convent and lived in that order for I believe about 19 years. During her years as a nun, she worked at a hospital in their office or billing area. The convent or the Archdiocese paid for her to go to the university and receive a Bachelor's degree in one of the business related degrees. I don't know for sure which one. After Vatican II she left the convent, and went on to work at a construction company as a payroll clerk. It was there that she met my Dad. It was only a short time there after they got acquainted with each other, Dad as the bookkeeper, that they started dating (courting as they called it back then).

I never really asked my Mom why she decided to leave the order and live as a lay person and then get married. She was 37 when she married, and 38 when she had me...and 41 when she finished having all 3 of us. One of my memories of some of this was recalling that when I asked how old she was (I was under the age of 10) she always said she was 33. When I was 12, I figured out that was not possible. By then I figured out how old she really was when I was born, and confronted her and said she had been fibbing to us all our lives, she never was 33 during my lifetime. Funny how women lie about their age. I have never lied about my age, I don't care if anyone asks, man or child. It's a number. You're really only as old as you feel at heart.

When I was in high school, one of my classes involved writing an answer to an essay question on a final for the semester. Probably my Composition class. I wrote about my mom. I was proud of her and looked up to her as far as taking care of us kids, and taking care of my Dad after his Bipolar diagnosis. And I wanted so badly to follow her footsteps and go to the university. That never happened. It was somewhere during the next few years after graduating from high school, that I lost that pride to call my Mom, MOM. I think it had to do with meeting new people, meeting their parents and seeing how different a life these people had...that I didn't have. I felt gypped out of something....and I felt that for a very long time. And that fed into a disproval of my Mom's reasons for saying no to me a lot of times over the years on a lot of things. I just never got close to my Mom. And I kinda regret that now. So often I will ask her stuff now and she doesn't remember much from that long ago. I feel I missed my chance to understand what was going on back in my childhood that she was the Mom who said NO so many times?

.... when we get older, sometimes we appreciate our parents, read on, there's more on this.

It Started With My Family...

Okay so I learned A LOT about how to be in the world from my family.  Right or wrong, my parents, siblings, aunts and uncles, grandparents and cousins taught me many things. 

I was a shy kid growing up. Not too many friends, not really close to my siblings, and when visiting at relative's homes, I believe I was pretty invisible.   At school is where I shined more.  I loved school!  And I was pretty darn good in the 3 R's.   But my favorite classes were my art classes.  And my favorite place to be, in school or out, was the library.  I never got the impression that my parents really knew all this about me.   I got good grades and pretty much could do my homework on my own.  It just always seemed that it was expected I would be smart and self-sufficient in my academic studies.  This would play a part later on in my education after high school.

I have a sister, who is a year and half younger than me.  Once she was old enough to sleep in a big people bed, we had to share a bed together.  My brother came along a year and half after my sister, and once he was old enough to sleep in a big people bed, the three of us had to share a room together.  Me on the top bunk, the younger two on the bottom bunk.  We learned to share a room, but heaven's to Betsy, we were not known for being model sharers of toys or anything else.  My sister recounts that she was told to sit between me and brother in the back seat of the old Dodge Gremlin because my brother and I just didn't get along.   That would really wouldn't change much as we got older. 

My sister and I weren't close, but since we were both girls pretty close in age, we did get along a little better.  We sat next to each other at the family dinner table, during the years we all 5 ate together as a family.  I don't remember too many fights at any meals....but we were different in more ways than just birth order.  In high school she was the popular one with her huge group of friends.  She always seemed to be the one that controlled everything.  I always wanted to be in her group, but never really was allowed, except when some came to our house to play cards.  Once she was out of the house, we really did nothing together.  And as time went on this wouldn't change much either.

My Mom raised us 3 kids in a most practical manner, making sure we had a roof over our heads, food to eat, and clothing.   Until we hit high school.   Once I was old enough to hold a job, I had to work to earn money for a car and its expenses, my own clothes, and my own hygiene products.  Not a lot of outward affection was beheld on us, and this would play a most huge part in my development as a person and as a Child of God.  

Finally, there's my Dad.  He was a unique soul.  I have good and bad memories growing up with him.  Until recently, I dwelt on the bad stuff more than any of the good stuff.  It seemed to outweigh everything.  Dad worked until I was 12, then suffered a mental breakdown and was diagnosed with Bipolar Disease.  A terrible disease that took more than a year to properly be diagnosed.   When we were young kids, he played with us.   We had fun with our Dad!  After his diagnosis, nothing was the same, and I never grew to be close to him.   And in 2000 my Dad was killed after getting hit by a car.   All of these tragedies would play a huge part of my ups and downs in moods over the years. 

And this is just the tip of the iceberg of the things to recount from my youth and early adolescence.  Opening up about my family was always something I wanted to do, but wasn't sure how to do so and definitely not an easy thing to do.  I learned a lot from these four people in my life.  Some good, some misguided, some not resolved until recently, and a few not resolved yet. 

                                 ..........  hang on for more.  The ride gets bumpy from here on out.