Tragedy Amongst Us....

Lisa's parents both smoked and both drank wine every night.  I think they were very close.  Her mom was an excellent cook, her dad was a good man and could fix anything.  He worked at TWA and could fix anything, and did his own car maintenance.  The family drove all the different models of Oldsmobile vehicles.  That was a pretty good manufacturer back in the 80s from what I recall.  There was routine every time I visited, and I just had to follow Lisa's lead because the whole thing was so different from the way I was raised. 

Now you have to understand Lisa's mom was very old school and very strict about a lot of things.  Things I was not used to at all.  She adamantly expected everyone living in her home and all her guests to remove their shoes at either door before walking anywhere in her home.   This was as foreign a concept to me as was speaking German, Lisa's Mother's native tongue.  I got reprimanded a few times for not doing this.  Lisa was the one that taught me this rule.  I was always tip toeing around like I was on eggshells walking in that house. 

There was the living room of all white furniture, never allowed to use that room until one Christmas.  It was a room to show off nice décor and I think her collection of things in a curio cabinet.  I was in shock when we got to go in that room, sit on the floor and exchange Christmas gifts one year.

Sometime I think in 1986 Lisa's parents made arrangements for the 3 of them to fly to Germany and stay there for a couple weeks.  They asked me to take care of their home, and their poodle dog Brandy.  I did.  I got to stay there and sleep in the guest bedroom.  I listened to their stereo and just enjoyed myself.  No one but my family knew I was staying there.  No one bothered me, and me and Brandy got along okay.  She was a cranky dog sometimes.  I remember watching MTV videos and seeing Whitney Houston sing some of her best songs.  And George Harrison sing "I Got My Mind Set On You."   I always have songs to remember certain events, this was a one that reminded me of that time.  

In 1987, Lisa's Mom had to be in the hospital for tests.   I went to visit her.  I don't know what they found then.   I don't know what symptoms she had been having, but I knew that Lisa being my best friend, I had to visit her mother in the hospital.  I think she was glad I came by.  I just wasn't the most comfortable in new situations then. 

After I moved to Aurora, CO, in March 1988, Lisa got the worst news from her Dad.  Her Mom had been diagnosed with terminal cancer.  Pancreatic cancer.   Lisa flew back home to ST Louis to see her mom.  She said that her mom wanted to take her shopping and ended up picking out a nice dress.  It was black.   Her mom looked thinner than she remembered her being.  I think the prognosis was 3-6 months to live.  Her dad worked to find a treatment center that could help prolong her life, it was in Houston.  Lisa's mom died before the arrangements could be made to do that.  She was only 56.  

The morning her mother died, we got a call early in the morning from her Dad that she had passed over night.  She had gotten up to use the restroom and collapsed.  She was all but 90 pounds or so.  Since Lisa's Dad worked for the airlines, she got to travel for only $10 a flight on standby.  Sometimes that meant waiting for a flight that had at least one seat left.  She and her sister flew out for the funeral.   It was the saddest time in my life.  Jimmy gave Lisa an Alf doll to put in her Mother's casket, he knew she loved Alf.  She was like Jimmy's 2nd mom. 

This was in June 1988.   During this same Spring 3 of my relatives had passed within a couple months of each other.  My Dad lost two of his sister's Peggy and Doris, and Mom lost her oldest brother Cyril.  I missed all the funerals.   My brother latter wrote me and said it was a pretty depressing time.  And mom must have gotten tired of going to a funeral about every other week.  But she went to all four of them, I do believe.  

.....death is a part of life.  Some believe it is just the beginning to a new life.   Those left to mourn their loss sometimes have to spend a long time sorting through their feelings about the loved one lost, some move on quite quickly after a short mournful time.  Each of us has a different relationship and different emotional sense about such things.   There really is no right or wrong length of time to mourn someone.  More to come about the after effects of Lisa's Mom's death to come. 

Dad's Family...

Dad was 1 of 9 kids. Second youngest in the brood. He had one brother and SEVEN sisters!! Egad! Lots of girl talk in that house.

Uncle Don was older than Dad, and I knew very little about him because he lived on the other side of the state and seldom visited. I didn't realize until a couple years ago he had more than 2 kids. I don't recall meeting any of them but one who was closer to my age. Don had been married twice and had kids in both marriages. I am not sure if Dad really liked his brother. He never talked about him.

As for Dad's sisters, I have met all of them. The oldest was my Godmother, Aunt Doris. She had 4 kids, all much older than the three of us kids.  Aunt Doris and Uncle Jule had a lovely home on 4th Street and had many family get-togethers there. My favorite memories were when their eldest daughter's kids would be there, they were close in age to me and my sibs. We'd hang upstairs or on the stairs themselves and just listen to all the women chatter on below us. Unlike my Mom's family that loved to play cards; Dad's sisters like to talk and talk and talk. The fellas usually hung out in another room or maybe headed to my Uncle's wine cellar in the basement.


Two of the aunts we spent a lot of time with were Aunt Peggy (Uncle Mel) and Aunt Sallie (Uncle Don). Peggy was the neatest lady. She taught Sunday school at her Baptist church and I remember hanging with her one time in her class and coloring in pictures of Jesus and other Biblical people.  Her son played the piano and sang in all the choirs. I loved going to their house cause there (again) I found a place to play my favorite instrument. Her son and daughter again were much older than I. Rarely did you see her daughter. But her son loved hanging with the family. My Uncle owned a lot of property in town including a television repair shop. When colored TVs started being affordable he sold my parents one and the first thing we watched on it was "The Sound of Music" with Julie Andrews! My favorite musical.
Aunt Sallie and Uncle Don just has one daughter. They too had a piano at their house but I don't recall being allowed to play it. Their daughter sang as well.  I don't remember too much about Uncle Don. He was a quiet man. He unfortunately died from a brain tumor when I was a teenager I think. My Aunt I believe was lost for years after he died. Such a shame.

Dad had a younger sister Aunt Barb (Uncle Ken). They had two kids both close to my age. All very bright and all college educated. Aunt Barb was the only one of the nine to get a college degree. Her husband was a dentist, her son is a Colonel in the Army as well as a GYN doctor that specializes in womb traumas I believe. His sister is a very talented artist and has worked everywhere and traveled everywhere stateside...she's the rebel, the adventurer and athletic one in the family bar none. I have oodles more to say in later posts, but she is one I always looked up to for inspiration when I was going to college. Barb and Ken moved their family to Seattle. They divorced a long time ago.  I do remember when they visited after Mt. St. Helens erupted in 1980. She brought a container of ash that spewed all over the North West. Very cool!

My sister's Godmother was Aunt Mattie (Uncle Moe).  Aunt Mattie could sew like no one else I knew in the family.  Like I mentioned in an earlier post, she would sew outfits for my sister and I.  I am sure she sewed for many people.  I know when she got arthritis and couldn't sew anymore that had to be heartbreaker for her.   She and Uncle Moe had one daughter who was a hair stylist.  She was the one that did my hair when Brian and I had our pictures taken after getting married (plenty about that time of my life in future posts).  I loved that she lived long enough to do that and visit once at our house after we married.  Sometime after that she was diagnosed with Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease (of which one form is similar to mad cow disease).  That was a fatal disease and awful symptoms of memory loss, dementia, brain deterioration from prions.  Just horrible.  She went from vibrant woman in her 50s to a completely different person needing lots of care until she passed away several months later.  I miss my cousin Maureen a lot.  She was funny and laugh oh so much! 

Finally there were Aunt Betty Sue (Marshall) and Aunt Margie.  And for the life of me I cannot recall Margie's husband's name.  (Sorry Margie.)  I didn't see these aunts or their kids very often.  And only remembered one of their daughter's names until 2 years ago when several of us girl cousins got together and visited on a couple occasions.  I learned about cousins I didn't know I had.   I don't have many memories really of either of their families, except when my sister had her wedding shower at our home, Aunt Betty Sue was there, and possibly her youngest daughter who I now have officially met as an adult. 

Then there was Grandpa (Elmer) and his wife Mildred.  Grandpa was married twice.  First to the mother of all 9 of his children.  My Grandmother (Bessie) died from cancer, not sure which kind but probably ovarian or uterine based on what I have heard over the years.   My Dad was 9 when he lost his Mother.  And I know that upset him all his life after that.  Grandpa was left to raise several of his kids on his own, and the oldest daughters that had married by then also helped take care of the younger ones.  I believe when my Dad turned 14, Grandpa remarried.  Mildred had one son, Hugo.  I don't know anything much about Hugo.  My Grandpa was a stern man. and we visited him and Mildred often in Union and Mom and Dad would play pinochle with them.  Us kids would play outside most of the time or I'd hang out in the spare bedroom.  Mildred died in 1980, Grandpa in 1982.   Grandpa is buried near his first wife, Mildred in buried in Illinois somewhere. 

This family was pretty dysfunctional after losing their Mother but I don't know if you could blame it solely on that.  Some had less problems than others.  But I always sensed a lot of loss, secrecy, and unsettled tension when visiting sometimes at different functions.   Mostly the ones when I was a kid.  There is a lot of history to be told.  And unfortunately most of it is not pleasant.   I wish not to dwell in all that negative space.  I want to tell an honest story as I remember it, but not bring up family dysfunction of families that cannot defend themselves.  The only family I speak of intentionally and intimately is my own family of origin.  The only Aunts left living as I write this are Aunt Barb and Aunt Sallie.   My Dad and the rest of his siblings are gone and hopefully in the presence of Jesus now.  

    ..... families go through a lot of ups and downs and stress and trials, it is from this that we grow in strength, character, and learn to be the people God meant us to be.    More of this saga to be told in future posts.   Please hang in there!

My Grandpa Bacon with Mildred holding me as a baby circa 1967

Mom's Family ....

Okay, so I misspoke in a prior post.  Mom was one of 10 kids.  She had 3 older sisters, and 6 brothers.  I couldn't imagine having that big of a family...   Not sure if they all were living in the house at the same time, because of the age difference of the oldest and the youngest, both boys, but even so, many had to share the same bed.   I was complaining in an earlier post about sharing a bed with my sister, that was sharing with one other person.  I cannot imagine sharing a single bed of any size with 2 or 3 others.

Having never met my Grandpa (Frank), I have not much to say on him.  I don't recall many stories about him, I was after all one of the youngest of his grand kids.  I think there were several of us he never met because he died in the 1956, kind of right in the middle when all his brood were off having or adding to their own families.  I just know he and some of his sons worked at building houses. 

After Grandpa died, three of Mom's brothers moved their families down to the Baton Rouge area to build homes.  I'm guessing they found a market where new homes were needed down South.  I got to meet all my LA cousins when I was 5 years old.   Mom and Dad got plane tickets and we all headed down there to visit for a few days.  I don't recall the flight to and from Baton Rouge.  I only have a few memories at all.  My Aunt Dot (married to Uncle Lambert) had a Chihuahua dog that barked and barked and scared me senseless.  We slept in a room, and it seemed like we slept on the floor in sleeping bags under a pool table.  Don't know why, just remember looking up at the underside of a table.  And I remember Aunt Mary Jo (married to Uncle Chip) scaling the catfish that some of the Uncles caught and I high tailed out of the kitchen when I saw all the blood in the sink. 

I was most fond of my Aunt Mary.   She had the Southern accent I loved, and she was the only relative I remember that gave hugs and kisses.  I loved that!!!   She'd call all the kids "sugar" when she answered their questions.  Mary was married to Mom's brother Maurice.  They were married nearly 50 years when she got melanoma and died from complications of the treatment while in the hospital.   Thankfully Brian and I had decided to go visit my relatives in LA the Summer before.  We only got to see them, and I truly believe that God worked that out just the way want He intended.  I got to see LA as an adult and have even more good memories of my Aunt Mary.  Sweet lady for sure!

Now Mom had 3 other brothers that never moved out of the metro area.   One was my Godfather Cyril, he was married twice, he lost his first wife Hazel when I was eight.  I remember his 2nd wife more, Aunt Marie.  Then there was Uncle Hubert (married to Aunt Margie).  He passed away the year my Dad was diagnosed with Bipolar disease.  Not sure what took his life, but Mom's family is plagued all around with heart disease and blood clotting issues.   Cyril had a few kids, Hubert had a huge brood like his parents.  And then there is my Uncle Francis.  He's the only bachelor, and still alive and kicking...though not like he used to do when he was in a Square Dance club many moons ago.  He takes care of driving his 2 widowed sisters (my Mom and my Aunt Alberta). 

Mom lost one sister a couple years ago, her name was Aunt Marcella.  Then there is Aunt Rosalie, she just celebrated 70 years of marriage to her loving husband, my Uncle Andy.  And Aunt Alberta, who goes by Berti, she lost her husband Alfred way back when I was a kid.   Uncle Francis drives his sisters to family events and to play cards wherever they are doing so.  Aunt Berti is 95 years old and doesn't get out much anymore.   Back in the day, Uncle Francis had everyone to his house, barbecue, chatter and card games, and LAUGHTER, that's all you would hear at his place all day long.  Kids roaming in and out of the rooms and outside.  We always had fun on that side of the family. 

And you know who nurtured this happy family and laughter and ritual of card games?   My lovely Grandma.   I have lots of memories of her.  She taught us 3 kids how to play simple card games, and all the Aunts and some of the Uncles and few of the cousins would love to sit at the big kitchen table and play card games that went quick and elicited laughter and fun times.   Grandma was a good cook, my sister and I found out one Easter when we stayed with her, and woke to smells of bacon and eggs, and every morning listening to the singing of "The Lord's Prayer" on the local am station.   Yes we had fun with Grandma and loved visiting her.   In 1973 when the big rivers all flooded, Grandma came and stayed with us.  That was fun!   The following year, when I was only 7, Grandma died after having a severe stroke, blood clots in her legs that had her lose a leg and then her life.  Hers was the first funeral I ever remember, and the first time I ever saw my Mother cry. 

  ....  family is the ever evolving group of people that give rise to memories and gives life meaning.

 

My Grandma and Grandpa Saale on their wedding day Sept. 14, 1915