Circles Of Friends ...

I met a lot of people in Business School, but the main person I became very close to was Lisa R.  She introduced me to tons of people over the course of our friendship. Now honestly I cannot remember the order of when some things happened but I'll do my best to tell the stories as best I can remember.  

First was Lisa S.  Lisa S.'s father owned a car dealership in the Metro area.  I never met her parents but I did meet her brothers.  I recall going to a lake, possibly The Lake of the Ozarks, and swimming off a dock and drinking.  I know the older brother of Lisa S. was there.  But there were several people there I didn't know.  I could swim fine but I was afraid of lakes and rivers that were deep that I couldn't see the bottom of.  Oh that was a huge fear of mine.  I just stayed near the dock for fear of floating out too far and being bounced around in the waves when boats would fly by.  I just stayed around Lisa R. and listened to the goings on.  I was a bit out of my element being around so many people I didn't know and with guys around.  I always felt like it was mandatory to be flirting with guys ... and I just didn't know how to do that yet.

There was Kelly and her husband and family.  Lisa R. and I probably spent several weekends hanging with them.  Lisa met Kelly at a place she worked.  I remember attending Kelly's wedding reception and that they had a macaw, huge bird.   I always was fascinated by the talking birds of the parrot family.  Kelly and her husband had a lot of issues, and I don't know whatever happened to them. 

Lisa R. was known for trying to help others any way she could.  She loved to see married couples get along, and she LOVED with a Capital "L" children!  Anyone that had a little one, she was all over it.  I loved kids too, I just wasn't as open with new ones I was introduced to, they always seemed a little scared of me.  Lisa also loved animals, particularly dogs I believe.  Anyone who had a dog, big or small, she showed affection towards.  I was not particularly keen to large dogs, as I had gotten bit by a dog when I was a child and bigger dogs just intimidated me. 

Lisa R. was a person of great emotion.  She was dating Greg when I met her.  He was a very unique and loveable person.  He had a wonderful talent in art, especially with his drawing.  He was a super fanatic of the rock group "KISS" and could draw every member and every record album perfectly by memory.   I was in awe with his artistic ability. He also was trained as a drummer.  Another cool thing I liked about Greg.  I'll mention more about this in a later post.  Greg was in love with Lisa.  That was utterly apparent.  She loved him, but her parents did not.  It was that great stress of having one's parents not approve of your choices of mates that would have her leave Greg and latch onto someone else. 

The someone else I am referring to is Ron.  He was a nice guy, but something about him I didn't care for.  He was a volunteer EMT I believe.  One of the first guys I sort of dated was Bill.  He was Ron's friend.  Bill was a unique dude.  I don't remember much about him and I think that was a practical thing on my part.  We went out a couple times, and one evening Lisa and I met up with Ron and Bill.  Lisa and Ron went off to talk alone, leaving Bill with me alone.  He was interested in robotic gizmos, and told me about his robotic helicopter.  We were sitting on someone's car, and talking for a couple hours it seems.  Then Lisa and Ron returned, we all went to Bill's house and that's when things got way too serious for me.  Lisa and Ron spent time together and Bill was acting weird and I guess trying to come on to me.  I just was so afraid, so naïve, and I kept telling him no.  He left me on the sofa. It was like 3am I think.  I tried to go to sleep, kept hoping Lisa would return so we could go home.  It was like 5am when we finally got home.  I was coming in as my Mom was getting up.  That was awfully strange to say the least.  I was angry with Lisa for putting me in that uncomfortable spot, as I had no way to leave...she was my ride.   And the last thing I remember about Bill was that he and Lisa had a talk about me, and then he started hitting on her.  Well then I think she understood why I was uncomfortable.  One of the first paralyzing memories I have of dating a guy.  Really messed with my head for a LONG time after that.

Early in 1987 I had met Gary through Greg. Gary and I dated for a few months. Gary, Greg and Chuck, all lived at the Salvation Army residence in town. Gary was from Indiana and was in the Missouri National Guard. He didn't have a settled home and wound up in my hometown. Chuck, well, I am not sure I know where Chuck was from. He and Gary met up with Greg at The Salvation Army home and became friends. Greg thought Gary was my type I guess and I dated him. He was a very timid soul. We got a long pretty well. The three guys managed to get some work lined up and rented a townhome together. It was a new place, really nice, a bedroom for each of them. Chuck always felt out of place, he wasn't dating anyone and I think seeing Lisa with Greg and me with Gary made him feel a little like a 5th wheel when we all went out to dinner or do anything together. We spent a lot of time at that townhouse.

Gary was into me, but I was not as responsive as he would like. Again, naïve and fearful of guys, thanks to Bill, I was just not sure about getting involved in a romance with Gary. I really needed support and guidance from Lisa, but she was too interested in her romance with Greg that she was not paying attention to much else.  So I just didn't accept Gary's advances and eventually he would find someone else to get heavily involved with.  Don't know where he picked up this gal, but she was every bit 10-15 years older than him.  I was jealous and hurt... and Lisa was mad as heck at Gary for hurting me so.  I hadn't felt like I was in love with him, and for me to get seriously involved with anyone had to have love and passion there.  After he effectively dumped me, probably weeks later, I could tell that I had felt something for him.   And then started blaming myself for not responding to his needs sooner.  It was the first time I had dated and had my heart broken.  This would haunt me for a long time...not Gary particularly, but just the idea I had a guy, refused him and then was dumped.   Rejection of that type hurts very deeply.  I wouldn't understand the confusion I was in for a long long time. 

In July 1987 Lisa and I flew out to Denver, her old hometown, and stayed with her former neighbors.  They put us up for the time we were out there.  Lisa used to babysit their kids, I was introduced to them all.  The boy played ice hockey and I remember him getting all his gear together to go to practice.  Nice kids.  Nice family.  I cannot recall their names anymore.  But I do remember feeling very welcomed there. 

While out in Denver for this visit, Lisa also introduced me to her former boyfriend, Jimmy.  And to Jimmy's parents and brother and sister-in-law.  It was July, got to be 95 degrees during the day.  Hot but not humid.  Something very new to me, as St. Louis July summer days could equally get up to 95 but it was also always oppressively humid.  Something I detested.  In the evening, in Denver, it got down into the 50s, huge drop in temp, and with the low humidity it felt like it was in the 40s to me.  I had to borrow a winter coat so I wouldn't freeze.  Lisa and Jimmy laughed at me wearing a winter coat in July, but hey when you're cold, you're cold!

I loved Denver, smog and all!  The family we were staying with took Lisa and I on a drive to Evergreen Colorado, which was in the foothills of the Rockies.  Gorgeous!  It was so cool to drive into the mountains, first time I had ever seen MOUNTAINS in my life!  You could see them from Denver pretty well if the brown smog wasn't bad.  Hwy 70 goes west straight into and through the mountains, literally.   Before getting there though you had to drive by Stapleton Airport, and that was the first time I had been on a highway the went under the airport...well the runways actually.  That was so cool....long tunnels to drive in.  2 to be exact.  St Louis would much later expand and create something similar, but not with a highway such as I70 driving under/through it. 

Lisa and Jimmy were high school sweethearts, but Lisa had to move after high school when her Dad got transferred to St Louis.  He worked for TWA airlines.  They were all originally from New York City, Long Island.  He got transferred to Denver when Lisa was in grade school.  Lisa always told me lots of stories about the people she knew in NYC and Denver, and always talked about Jimmy.  Even sometimes while dating Greg.  I just knew her heart was split on these two fellas.  Ron was just someone that was accepted by her parents, but not like Greg or like Jimmy.  I didn't have a preference of either, both were fun to be around.  Greg was from the country and was an unbridled kind of guy with I think ambition to be in a Rock Band and to get out of his hometown and be with Lisa.  Jimmy didn't have a passion in any type of particular work, he just wanted to party and have fun.  That's what I remember of these two guys.


....some relationships are not meant to last a lifetime, but all relationships teach us something.  They teach us about humanity, about ourselves, and about human emotions of all kinds.  I would soon be experiencing all sorts of emotions in the many months that followed my trip to Denver.  Hang on....literally and figuratively...the ride is going to get very bumpy!




Here are some photos of some of the people during this time.  No I have no photos of Gary, Chuck, Ron, Bill or even myself.  I always was the one behind the camera.   I was the one wanting to take photos of others as keepsakes...for this very blog even before blogs were invented!  If I find any photos of any of these folks, I will update this post.  I always do.


 

 

Kelly at her home Christmas 1986

 

 

 

Greg and Lisa (and Greg's nephew) at Greg's Sister's home



Lisa S., Lisa R. and Greg down on the Riverfront

New Friend From Far Off Land...

Even though I had graduated High School and was attending Business School, I still hung around friends still attending SCHS.

One of my good friends was Chris E. She was in my brother's class, three years behind me. I don't remember how we met. Kinda thinking it was through sports or something. She played instruments and Volleyball. I loved Volleyball! I loved playing it, I loved watching it. What I do know is between her and Nancy, I met Pascale. She was the Exchange Student from Belgium, and she and I became fast friends.

I don't even know where to start. She was the same age I was; had already graduated high school in her home land. But she was allowed to come to the U.S. and take her Senior year again. She had 8 years of English training, and spoke fluently. She was from the Southern part of Belgium which spoke French. They are known as the Walloons. The Northern part speaks Dutch and known as the Flemish. These two sides often were at war with each other but since 1831 when the country received independence from The Netherlands it's calmed down a lot.   I thought this the most fascinating thing about a country I knew little about. But Pascale taught me more during the year she was here in the states.

We hung together like two inseparable bees on the weekends. She also played volleyball and I'd go watch her play. She was well liked by everyone she was around. I knew that she had a boyfriend back in Belgium; his name was Phillipe. Weekly I think she called her family or they called her, and she let them know what was going on in her life.  I was with her a few times when her phone calls occurred, but I had no idea what she was saying in her native tongue.

She was a very bubbly person. Very attractive....a couple suitors had their eyes on her. One was a very geeky guy. She was always polite to him but you could tell she wasn't interested in dating, her soul mate was back home!   There were many people that she wanted to hang with, and at times a little jealousy formed in my heart cause of course I wanted to hang with her as well.  But I think we had a good relationship. 

Her host family consisted of a mom and dad and I believe three kids. They had hosted Exchange students before from different countries. Pascale had to babysit the kids when the parents would be gone for various functions.  I remember quite vividly watching MTV with one of the kids. The song "We Built This City" by Starship was one of my faves back then...and loved the opportunity to see the video. We didn't have cable TV at my house.

I once let Pascale drive my car. Just once.  And during her driving escapade, she did a donut in someones side yard. I laughed and then switched seats with her. I didn't want us getting caught, you see!!! She was full of mischief at times, but she was the first person to push me to come out if my shell. 

Let's see, so much to say here.  Um.... 

At Christmas time the 2 main Exchange Student program directors invited all the Exchange Students to a party.  They in turn could invite a friend.  And Pascale invited me to meet all these people.  It was surreal.  Like being at the U.N.  People from every European country was there, it seemed; as well as from Japan, China, and I am sure from South America or Africa.  I just really remember Franz from Germany.  He was cute guy and wore some clothing I had never seen in person.    Lederhosen  yes, the hat with a feather, no.  LOL!!  I had the grandest time meeting all these people.  Pascale didn't know all of them, but you couldn't tell.  She was just so affable with everyone. 

She also babysat some kids that lived down the street from her host home.  They had three kids under 5 and the youngest was a baby.  I came over one time while she was sitting with them, and she asked if I could do her a big favor.  It was almost New Year's Eve and she was invited to go out with some folks (I don't know who or how she knew them), and asked if I could babysit in her place.  Even though I'd rather had spent the ringing in of the New Year with her or some other friends, I said yes.  My heart told me that she is here, living here, a once in a lifetime opportunity, and I just couldn't say no to her experience and her request.  I met the parents, and she told them I would babysit.  I had experience sitting for my cousin's kids and some family's kids my Mom knew from work.  They accepted the whole thing, and I did babysit and Pascale had a wonderful time with the people she was with that nice evening.  I knew in my heart she really wanted to be with Phillipe and that wasn't possible, I really could sense that she was a little homesick at the holidays.  So I did what a good friend would do. 

Earlier on I learned Pascale loved to see as much as she could of the St. Louis area, so I took her to a Cardinal vs. Cubs game at the stadium.  We got there really early and wanted first go up in the Gateway Arch but it was closed for some reason.  Bummer!  But we enjoyed the day. Nancy K. was with us.    I took Pascale to other places, like one of the cool malls at the time.  She loved that.  She always liked commenting on the American lifestyle.  She always cracked me up.   To her we had a timid side and not very open with others.  In her custom, it is normal to greet a friend by kissing them on each cheek.  Here we don't that. That was a bit strange to get used to for me.  No one but one Aunt ever kissed my cheek.  But over time, I kinda got used to it.   

She had told me that her parents only sent her $35 a month to spend while living here.  I knew that wasn't a whole lot of money for an 18 year old to use for entertainment or purchasing special clothes, whatever.  So I came up with an idea.  If she taught me French, however she wished to do that, I would pay her $10 an hour to do so.  She cried when I told her this, accepted the offer, and that's when I took her around town, downtown St. Charles has a French section, the waterfront park, and shops of all kinds on Main Street.  We spent a lot of afternoons down there.  Sometimes it was chilly, so we sat in my car and watched the different people do their thing and she taught me French.   I took notes, I even still have all that stuff in one of my keepsake spots in my current residence.  I had the most fun time watching her see my country through her eyes.  And she just soaked up every second of it. 
 
One of my most favorite memories was when Nancy, Chris E. and myself, along with Chris' parents blessing, planned a surprise birthday party for Pascale.  We held it in Chris' parents basement.  Invited several friends of Pascale's, including a couple of the other Exchange Students she was fond of.  I took her out for dinner at Red Lobster, and gave her a present from me.  It was an embroidered picture with the saying about friendship.  She loved the whole thing.  The premise was to have her think this was her birthday gift...but little did she know.   After dinner I drove back towards her home, but told her I had to make a pitstop at Chris' house.  She went in with me, and her parents and Chris made it seem like no big deal going on there.  I don't recall how we got her to the basement of all places without suspecting anything, but she was surprised as ever!  We had a rocking good time.  That was the first surprise birthday party I had ever hosted.  It was fun for all!

The last good memory I have is being there while she was getting ready to go to Prom with the geeky dude, I think his name was John.  I took pictures of them before they left.  Well, really I took pictures all the time...of Pascale and all our friends in different environments.  She was a beautiful young lady.  He was all snazzied up as well.   She didn't really want to go with him, she wanted to just go and mingle with everyone, but I think her host family convinced her it was the proper thing to do to go with a guy to Prom.  I always laugh when I think of this memory.  She was silly.   Very independent, very determined.  I loved that about her alot. 

I hated to see her go.  It was a tearful goodbye.  I did keep in touch with her for several years, but by 1995 she had married Phillipe and moved to Bassily Belgium and was working as a translator I believe, the job she really wanted to do.  I have tried to find her on the internet, but it is difficult when there are lots of Pascale's, Phiillipe's and the language barrier kills it for me.  I tried once to write a translator online, to help me convert my English letter to Pascale's parents (they still lived in the same home where I wrote to her before she married) so they could read it.  I believe her parents only knew French.  So I couldn't call them if I wanted to....I never dealt with overseas calling before, and I was not sure how that would go.  Writing seemed more logical, but this translator didn't help too much, so I just gave up the whole deal.  I am sure she and her family are doing well.   She was one of those types of people you meet once in a lifetime.  I treasure all those good memories and lots of laughter I shared with her.

.....when a special person comes into your life for a short time, it can be so wonderful.  Never forget to be there 100% for them, it really is a blessing for the rest of your life to have those memories.   Doing for others is a blessing in itself....I had more opportunities to help others as time will tell in this journey. 

 

Me and Pascale - I think at Chris E.'s house  
Definitely me in one of my happier days

I forgot that I wore head bands, OMG!!!

 

 

 

Pascale holding some cookies that were made in her hometown, Tournai, Belgium

She was ecstatic when we found these at a store at a Mall.  

 

 

 

Pascale and John before heading to Prom

I believe this was an impromptu pic...something I am famous for!

Thoughts On Friendships....

Because friendships mean a lot to me, and I am sure a lot to most people, I am gearing up to share a lot of memories of different people that had a profound affect on my me and my heart.  I want to find the special pictures to share, and then write my recollection of all those memories as best I can.   I have so many to talk about, so I am attempting to devote one or maybe two entries for each.  It's my trying to say these things in more or less chronological order that is a challenge.  I just remember so much.... which can be a blessing and a curse.   I choose to believe that having all the memories I do a blessing...it's just a curse to remember what happened first.   Sometimes things happen simultaneously....and in that I cannot help but possibly repeat some things, giving context and my complete recollection for those that meant so much to me. 

 

I hope this blog has been interesting for you to read.   We've only hit my 19th year and there are many more episodes, people, events of all kinds to mention and explore.   It is in the sharing of my life that I hope to have a recorded memory of it for me to reread again and gain, and to also share with anyone interested to read it.   Sometimes I think reading about another's memories triggers happy memories in ourselves, about times where people or God were pushing us, urging us to learn something in the events of our lives.  Years later when you recollect what you have been through you learn the patterns, you learn the way you developed, you learn the way you changed and became the person you are today.   I hope this is a kind of blessing to read.  Do comment, do let me know if you had memories or thoughts triggered in you.  I love to hear all comments...thank you. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Teenager In Training ....

The last thing I remember Mrs. Hettich, my 6th grade teacher, telling me about going on to Junior High School was "be careful, you'll be meeting kids from other schools and bigger kids sometimes do bad things and want you to join in".  One thing she was referring to was kids bringing knives to school.  That scared the tar out of me!   I was completely paralyzed when I got to school the first day of 7th grade.   Had to have a locker in a strange hallway.  Had to change classrooms for every single class!  What is this crazy life here?  Mrs. Hettich was also referring to kids smoking and doing drugs.   Now little did she know that I had already tried smoking A cigarette before.  Coughed my lungs out, but had to do it, all the other girls were trying it out too.  Peer pressure.  Ah, that nasty thing that popped itself up more times than I can count on my two hands during my years in school.

I really was scared of this different type of school.  In elementary school, I only had to change classes for math class.  Seems the teachers I had didn't teach the higher level math class I needed, so I had to go to another teacher's class to learn math.  I was happy knowing that was the reason, and comfortable to do so, but little did I know in Junior and Senior high I would have to change classes all the time. Everyday. For every class I took.   And to make matters more confusing, my locker was never by any of my classes.  So I had to learn quickly to take enough books for back-to-back classes if I didn't think I had time to go to my locker and exchange books and be on time to the next class.  Well, thanks be to God, I was a fast learner on that one!!

In 7th grade I had the most wonderful English teacher, Mrs. Rice.  One of the first black teachers I had ever had in my educational career.  That didn't really mean anything THEN, I wasn't raised to be racist or anything.  It did mean something later when I realized that there just weren't many black teachers or students in my school district.   I never had to deal with prejudice based on skin color until I got older and got a job.  Mrs. Rice taught me a lot of vocabulary words over the school year.  I loved grammar and spelling and learning big people words.  I had art class with Mrs. Casey.  Funny black lady!  She inspired me to be creative.  I think I had more fun in her class, because it was more interactive and there were always more interesting people in the art classes I took than in any others.   I also loved math and science. And I REALLY loved seeing a lot of cute boys.  LOL

"Looking at" boys was about it for my dating life in school.  However I did have a crush sort of on a boy that went to another school.  His name was Dale.  I was so darn timid around new people, especially boys, I just didn't know what to do.  If I ever kissed him, I don't remember it.  All I know is that one of my girl friends ended up leading him on and I got jealous and didn't want to get involved with boys again for a long time.  Too complicated and too much competition, so to speak.  I didn't like all the feelings that came up when dealing with pining for a boy and then wanting to get their attention.  It made me too anxious and I really hated that feeling.  

I was just still getting used to the life as the oldest child in my family, and the first out of elementary school.  Had to ride the bus to school and that was fine.  But sometimes I walked to school in the morning and back home at the end of the day. I got to walk past my former elementary school as it was just next door and down the hill. 

8th grade was much better.  I made several girl friends and we all ended up hanging together as much as possible.  Some of us worked in the school library together and eventually we started doing the birthday slumber party gig.  My bestest friend at that time was Robin.  She and I and several other girls that shared classes together would take turns inviting the whole crew to our homes for our birthdays and stay up all night doing silly stuff like seances and telling spooky stories.  I never could tell a story at those things.  I rather loved to listen to the more creative girls tell theirs.  I could never sleep at these functions either. You were advised to NOT be the first to nod off, else you'd end up with shaving cream in your hand and someone to scare you awake only to get that stuff all over your self.  We were ornery but we loved ever minute of it!  

Robin moved away in our Freshman year and I wrote to her several times and she wrote back and then the letters stopped coming along the way and I lost track of her.  I also had a Pen Pal (precursor to Facebook online friends) from Zimbabwe Africa.  We were the same age and she was Catholic just like me!  We'd write letters of course, but also sent each other things that we made like jewelry or something we thought the other would like.   I probably wrote to her for a couple years and then the letters stopped coming from her.  I was pretty lonely after that for a while.  I had the hardest time because every year I made one or two good friends, and I swear they all moved away after the school year was over.  It was like being abandoned over and over, every year.  

Then that lovely event all girls go through in their early teenage years hit me.   That monthly visitor.   Yuck!  8th grade was literally a pain for me when all that happened.  I was not ready for that, and it interrupted many classes.  But somewhere in the back of my mind I knew all the other girls were dealing with this visitor too.  What I didn't know was what was ahead for me in later years with regard to "the visitor". 

And that year I also had been diagnosed with Scoliosis while in my Gym class when the school nurse went around and checked all the 8th graders for this skeletal deformity.  I had it and it was pronounced enough that eventually I got referred to see the Doctor that recommended kids get checked in school.  I had to get my back X-rayed every 3 to 6 months.  He kept saying I had an 18-degree curve and that was borderline for having to wear a back brace.  Well, golly, when I heard that I freaked.  "I cannot wear a brace!   The kids will make fun of me, more than they already do!"  Thank God in Heaven, I didn't have to go through all that humiliation.  The deal was if I had to wear one, I would have had to wear it for at least 2 years.  

Thinking back upon all this, I realize I was pretty lucky. My Mom was not very nurturing in emotion and asking how my day was or anything like that.  She did take me to all the doctor and dentist appointments I needed to go to and that would last well until high school.  I had more years to come in dealing with health issues as a teenager.  She did help me with that.   All the while providing for all 5 of us, as my Dad was not working.  I was more blessed than I gave credit for at the time.  I apologize now for not acknowledging it then.  I was so scared of life, and selfish, and jealous of my sister and her group of friends, that I didn't pay attention to my own blessings, or family's blessings.  The fact that many of Mom and Dad's siblings helped up out financially or otherwise so we didn't go without.  Truly I was naive as all get out.  But over time I would learn that what I thought I knew wasn't all that was going on around me. 

.....when we first start changing from child to adolescent, we experience numerous changes, physically, emotionally, and cognitively.  It's during this time we start to think we know it all, but really we have only just begun to really understand what is going on.   More to come....

 

Not Exactly Mr. Roger's Neighborhood...

There were tons of girls in the neighborhood I grew up in.  Some boys, though most of the girls didn't hang with them too much.  I hung with whoever would have me.   And I mean that literally.

I had the hardest time making friends.  Thankfully some of the families were quite friendly to everyone and the parents didn't mind who hung with who, as long as the parents knew where their own children were.  

I'd have to say there were 3 places we hung at the most when we all got together.  I think our place was probably the most frequented.  Not sure exactly why, but my thought is that because my sister was very popular among any group she was in, everyone liked to be at our house. 

Our neighbor's down the street, that's where I loved to spend most of my time.  They had 3 girls and 1 boy, he was the youngest.  Their oldest, Tricia was in my grade, although after a couple years at my elementary school her parents sent her onto the Catholic grade school downtown. 

Tricia taught me how to play the piano, at least the basics of it.  I loved to learn to play!  Her mom let me come down just about any time and practice.   I loved playing "When The Saints Come Marchin' In."  I was pretty good at it, made few mistakes and learned to play it by heart.  This was really cool, because later on in the 6th grade my Music Teacher put us in groups and we had to come up with our own musical presentation, and I chose that song and played the piano while my partners played other instruments for accompaniment.  We did rather well for 12 year olds!!! 

Later on I hung with Tricia's younger sister, Sharon Ann.  She went by the nickname of Shan.  She and I and one other, Melissa, were nearly inseparable most weekends.  We'd end up at Melissa's Grandmother's house and like clockwork, we'd hit the ice cream and stay up all night goofing around and then having our own little slumber party.  I loved those.  Didn't always sleep well away from home, but there I sure did. 

There were other girls in the neighborhood I hung with and one was ostracized for being kind of a bully.  I still hung with her until some not so cool things went down.  She wasn't always nice to me, and she had this air of superiority of intelligence over me, that drove me to be more shy around some people than I normally would have been.  We stopped hanging together in high school.  I had to move onto to other friends who treated me better.  I believe now I know why she was so off the wall nasty.   Her parents had divorced, her mother remarried and I believe she didn't like her stepfather at all.  He was pretty bossy to his stepkids.  Out of respect for her, I choose not to mention her name.  I forgive her for all the rotten things she did to me and said to me.  Although some of these things profoundly affected my self-worth, I know now she was really having a hard time with life back then and I was the one she took it out on, well, me and her sister.  Sometimes she wasn't that bad to me, she always called to want me to hang with her, and in that respect maybe she liked me.  I just choose to forgive her because it was so long ago, and that recent act of forgiveness has helped me move on and be a better person, and heal a 3 decade old wounded heart. 

The boys in the neighborhood also were a sore spot for me back in the day.  They were honestly just out to make fun of me ever which way they could.  3 of them were brothers, and the middle son was the meanest to me.  I don't know why.  He was a bit older than me, I didn't have classes with him ... I don't even think he went to any schools I attended.  He was just one onery cuss to me.  He had a knack of making fun of my attention problem and loved to call me "wooden ears" in front of all the kids that happened to be in the neighbor's yard.  They always laughed at that, and that hurt a lot.  Even my own siblings made fun of me and honestly, I didn't feel comfortable hanging outside when this nasty boy was out there. 

Often times I would be by myself, in my room, drawing, painting, listening to music....hours on end.  It was respite from the kids that liked to make fun of me...and liked to belittle everything I said or did.  I really never told my Mom about all this stuff.  I don't know that she was home most of the time it was going on.  I just learned to avoid mean people.  I really needed to learn how to stick up for myself, but I didn't.     This would prove to be a very hard thing to outgrow or unlearn during my life. 

             ......  things get bumpy when we interact with others, keep on reading.