Unexpected Addition ...

In September 1988, Lisa found out she was pregnant.  Apparently this was not expected.  I was still living with Jimmy and Lisa and I remember the conversation that took place after she found out. 

Lisa had an ovary removed in 1987 when they found a huge ovarian cyst the size of a grapefruit, and of course the cyst and ovary had to be removed together.   For some reason the doctor then implied that she would only have a 50% chance of getting pregnant.  I don't think that really was the case.  But when she found out she was pregnant over a year later, she was a little upset and excited at the same time.  In Jimmy's mind, she had lost her mother and he knew she always wanted children, so I think there was some deception on his part when they had gotten together one evening and he didn't use protection but told her he did.  He wanted her to be happy again, and I guess getting her pregnant was a logical idea to him.

I was excited but annoyed that Jimmy was careless.  This was a new life, something you just don't jump into casually and without thinking all the normal thoughts of how you're going to care for a new one when you barely make enough for what you do have responsibilities for.   And for me, this would mean I would have to move out of the apartment, so the new one could have his or her own room.  And the family to be could be on their own.  Yep, I was a little selfish then, heck I think I was really selfish my entire life spent in Colorado. 

I believe the first thing Lisa did was quit smoking when she learned of her pregnancy.  Good for her.  I know that was difficult.   I don't know that she stayed true to it all the time, but she tried.  Jimmy did not quit smoking, and I am sure I didn't.  Hindsight tells me that everyone should have quit because even secondary smoke is bad for the unborn baby.  The mother-to-be breathes that air and the nasty stuff in the smoke gets into her system just as if she were smoking herself.  

Lisa and I spent time shopping for stuff she'd need, but most of the things she would get at the baby shower thrown in Spring 1989.   She did get a lot of needed things, and her theme for the baby's room was Disney characters.  It was so cute to see. 

Now even though I wasn't a practicing Catholic at the time, and neither were Lisa nor Jimmy, Lisa asked me to be her child's Godmother.  I took this very seriously.  I learned that besides the Christening Gown, the baby to be baptized would need a white stole.  I bought a cross stitch canvas that tears away and created my own design to make the stole.  I sewed a Cross on one end and had to wait until I knew what name they would give the new one before I could embroider the other end with the child's given name. 

Before I could accept the role of Godparent, we thought this over and I decided that I would join a parish in town in case the priest that would baptize the child needed to know this.  I never went to Mass at the parish, but I believe it was called St. James and it was located in Denver.   This was a little deception on my part, but to me I was trying to do the best to meet the role I was taking on, without actually being the best practicing Catholic godparent on the planet.  

Jimmy's Dad was going to be the child's Godfather.  I thought this was odd as a Grandparent already plays a huge role in the child's life, but truly Lisa didn't know many other Catholics, and Jimmy's Dad was a practicing Catholic.   It was just us kids that were not.  I had quit the Church a couple years earlier.  But the teachings of the Church were instilled in my head.  Hard to drum out all that knowledge with 10 years of PSR classes and a former Nun for a mother.  And Catholics all over the place in my family.  Lisa had quit after confirmation, I don't think her Father was a big fan of the Church and insisted his daughters just follow their heart even if that meant quitting the Church. 

Sometime in early 1989, Lisa's obstetrician said that she and Jimmy should learn the Lamaze method of childbirth.  So she signed up to take the classes, but Jimmy wasn't up for any classes.  I don't really remember why.  So I took his place at several classes.  Lisa wanted me there at the birth event, so I had to learn the method.  Very interesting stuff, and she did well at the classes.   But always was upset when Jimmy didn't join her.  He did show a couple times.  

When it got closer to the due date in May 1989, I would come to their apartment and help her practice.  Jimmy wouldn't do that either.  (I had moved out in early 1989 to my own small apartment. We'll discuss this adventure in a future post.)   On May 31st, I came over to the apartment to do the routine but when I got there, all hell broke loose.   First, Jimmy's parents were there, they were all having dinner together, when Lisa's water broke.  However, she didn't realize that was what had happened.  As a matter of fact, she had been in labor all day, but didn't know it.   The pains were not that strong she said.  After she showed me where her water broke, I told her that is what it was and then I ran out and told Jimmy.  He came in the room and stayed with Lisa while I called the doctor to him we were on our way to the hospital. The baby was coming!

Lisa felt there was no time to wait for an ambulance, so they decided Jimmy would drive her to the hospital.   I sat in the back seat and helped keep her calm.   I remember that Jimmy's parents drove separately.  We got Lisa in the car and tried to get her to be as comfortable as possible.  That was entirely difficult.   That baby was shooting to get out!   And then the sky opened up and it started storming and raining hard, and it was a mess to get to the hospital and not be revved up from the nasty weather and the new arrival just minutes from being born! 

We got to the hospital only to find out we were at the wrong entrance!!  More freaking drama and chaos.  Finally Jimmy got to the correct door, we shouted for someone to bring a wheelchair.  The hospital staff took over.  They got Lisa admitted, and got her in a birthing room.  They hooked up heart monitors and all sorts of commotion was going on, I don't remember it all. They checked for the baby's heartbeat, it was big and strong.  It was awesome, this was it!!  Then the nurse said the doctor wasn't there yet.  Dummy me told him the wrong hospital.  I gave the hospital where we had taken Lamaze classes, but Lisa later said that she had chosen to have the baby at another hospital in town.  Ay carumba!   My gosh, I was a nervous ass wreck during this. 

Meanwhile, the nurse also said that Lisa needed to use her Lamaze training, she could not get an epidural because she was already at 10 centimeters...and the baby was nearly starting down the birth canal.   Holy cow Batman!!!  And to my amazement Jimmy stepped in and took over helping Lisa focus on something and do her proper breathing.  I was happy he did that.  She once asked to hold my hand as she fought back the urge to push.  I had to tell her no.  Why?  Because I had memories of two years before when she had to have that surgery to remove her ovary.  She had grabbed my arm while in pain, and after having pushed the button that dosed her with pain meds, and she nearly tore my arm off.  After that, I said no to her ever grabbing my arm while in immense pain.  I cared about Lisa, but geez I still wanted to have an arm too!   LOL

Once the doctor got there, Lisa's Mother-in-law left the room.  She had birthed 4 kids of her own, she said she wasn't interested in being in there while someone else went through all the pain.  I stayed and of course Jimmy stayed.  The doctor gave her the go ahead to push and she did and within minutes, little Anthony James was born!  Only an hour and half lapsed between when Lisa's water broke to when Anthony James made his entrance to the world.  Truly a world record in births, maybe! 

The nurses checked him out head to toe, he was perfect!  I had never seen a live birth before, this was so awesome an event to behold!!!   Then the doctor said he had to stitch Lisa up, she had a pretty good tear at the vaginal opening and needed some stitches.  These would cause a lot of discomfort for several days.   They put Anthony James in her arms and the little family was now complete. 

....  I have never had any children of my own, I find it special in my heart to have been witness to the birth of my Godson.  It was spectacular, and dramatic, and nerve wracking and awesome!!!    I believe everyone should witness the birth of a baby.   It makes you realize how precious life is...and how beautiful every single baby is.  God blessed me with that unique experience.   I was just glad that Anthony James didn't decide to pop out while we were en route in the car to the hospital.   That would have been way too much more drama than any of us could stand.

The new little family

 

 Me holding newborn Anthony James

New Daddy Jimmy holding his son at home

New Mommy Lisa holding Anthony James in his bedroom

More Auntie Sue baby holding time!

 

 

Anthony James Baptism
Priest, Lisa holding Anthony James, Jimmy and Grandpa/Godfather in front

Me behind Lisa

 

 

Priest filling out the baptismal record

And Godmother Sue holding Anthony James again!!

I'd get a lot of time doing that...

 

My Family's Faith ...

If you have been reading along so far, I have been talking about my family of origin and some people of my youth that affected my life's journey.  Besides babysitters and elementary school, my youth also was about faith and religion classes.  

In January 1966 my parents got married after a 6 month courtship.  They went on their honeymoon in the Bahamas and visited a few of the Islands, brought back many unique bottles of liquor and yep, got pregnant with yours truly.   Mom was from a huge Catholic family, and Dad was not.  This all happened right after the finalization of Vatican II and finally Catholics were allowed to marry non-Catholics but with some unique agreements by the non-Catholic.  Mom HAD to raise her children Catholic....Dad consented. 

I was supposed to be born around Halloween of that year, but decided I wanted to stay in the comfy cozy place in my mother's womb for 3 more weeks and was born on November 18th.  My Dad just celebrated his 28th birthday and my parents just purchased the home I grew up in.  Then later that month I was baptized at St. Cletus Parish.  I would belong to that parish until 1988.  

I don't recall all the reasons that we kids didn't go to Catholic Elementary school, but because of that we were required to get "catechized" in PSR classes.  I went until 9th grade, my siblings only until 8th grade we each were confirmed.  After 9th grade, I got a job that had me working every evening after school and couldn't go to PSR, and by then the classes were so boring to me, I just didn't care to go. 

My most memorable time at PSR was when the principal Sister Marian came to my 3rd grade class and explained what Heaven would be like.  She said it would be 10,000 times better than Earth as we know it.   It would be 10,000 times prettier and perfect.  Our bodies would be perfect.  No eyeglasses to wear (I had to get those in 5th grade), no braces, no injuries, no broken anything.  No death and we would be in the presence of God.  I was so taken by the image in my head of what Heaven would be like.   I still am, though my image has changed a lot from when I was 9 years old. 

I believed everything my PSR teachers told me.  Why wouldn't I?   They were adults, they knew more than I did, basically I thought they knew everything!   My Mom made sure we kids got to Mass and reminded us to go to confession once a year and not to fight and disobey ....  I hated going to confession.  I was scared of Father Brauner, he just seemed like a mean ole priest to me...  I knew I would forget the Act of Contrition, I stumbled all the time, I really tried to get out of it for as long as possible, but my conscience told me to go, and I would.  Eventually.  

It's funny that had I been born into a family of another religion, I would have grown up knowing that religion and culture and did what they do to be "right with God" per what the adults taught me.  This idea nagged at me off and on from high school until, well, now.   I took for granted that being Catholic, I knew what I had to do to get to Heaven, but when I went off to college in my 20s, I learned a whole lot about many religions and different ways of being in the world that were totally different from what I was taught.  

This is what this blog is all about!   My spiritual journey and how I dealt with the new ideas I learned and how I compared them to what I was raised in.    This ride is a life long one so it seems.  There is oh so much to tell.....

             ....  if you're so inclined, hang on in there, I got much more to tell you!



"Raise Your Children To..."

 

If you want to see more kindness in the world…
… Raise your children to be kind.

If you want to see more honesty in the world…
… Raise your children to be honest.

If you want to see more positive values in the world…
… Raise your children and teach them positive values.

If you want to see more honor in the world…
… Raise your children to be honorable.

If you want to see more love in the world…
… Raise your children to love unconditionally.

Raise your children to be the change you want to see in the world!

 

~J. Charest