Unexpected Addition ...

In September 1988, Lisa found out she was pregnant.  Apparently this was not expected.  I was still living with Jimmy and Lisa and I remember the conversation that took place after she found out. 

Lisa had an ovary removed in 1987 when they found a huge ovarian cyst the size of a grapefruit, and of course the cyst and ovary had to be removed together.   For some reason the doctor then implied that she would only have a 50% chance of getting pregnant.  I don't think that really was the case.  But when she found out she was pregnant over a year later, she was a little upset and excited at the same time.  In Jimmy's mind, she had lost her mother and he knew she always wanted children, so I think there was some deception on his part when they had gotten together one evening and he didn't use protection but told her he did.  He wanted her to be happy again, and I guess getting her pregnant was a logical idea to him.

I was excited but annoyed that Jimmy was careless.  This was a new life, something you just don't jump into casually and without thinking all the normal thoughts of how you're going to care for a new one when you barely make enough for what you do have responsibilities for.   And for me, this would mean I would have to move out of the apartment, so the new one could have his or her own room.  And the family to be could be on their own.  Yep, I was a little selfish then, heck I think I was really selfish my entire life spent in Colorado. 

I believe the first thing Lisa did was quit smoking when she learned of her pregnancy.  Good for her.  I know that was difficult.   I don't know that she stayed true to it all the time, but she tried.  Jimmy did not quit smoking, and I am sure I didn't.  Hindsight tells me that everyone should have quit because even secondary smoke is bad for the unborn baby.  The mother-to-be breathes that air and the nasty stuff in the smoke gets into her system just as if she were smoking herself.  

Lisa and I spent time shopping for stuff she'd need, but most of the things she would get at the baby shower thrown in Spring 1989.   She did get a lot of needed things, and her theme for the baby's room was Disney characters.  It was so cute to see. 

Now even though I wasn't a practicing Catholic at the time, and neither were Lisa nor Jimmy, Lisa asked me to be her child's Godmother.  I took this very seriously.  I learned that besides the Christening Gown, the baby to be baptized would need a white stole.  I bought a cross stitch canvas that tears away and created my own design to make the stole.  I sewed a Cross on one end and had to wait until I knew what name they would give the new one before I could embroider the other end with the child's given name. 

Before I could accept the role of Godparent, we thought this over and I decided that I would join a parish in town in case the priest that would baptize the child needed to know this.  I never went to Mass at the parish, but I believe it was called St. James and it was located in Denver.   This was a little deception on my part, but to me I was trying to do the best to meet the role I was taking on, without actually being the best practicing Catholic godparent on the planet.  

Jimmy's Dad was going to be the child's Godfather.  I thought this was odd as a Grandparent already plays a huge role in the child's life, but truly Lisa didn't know many other Catholics, and Jimmy's Dad was a practicing Catholic.   It was just us kids that were not.  I had quit the Church a couple years earlier.  But the teachings of the Church were instilled in my head.  Hard to drum out all that knowledge with 10 years of PSR classes and a former Nun for a mother.  And Catholics all over the place in my family.  Lisa had quit after confirmation, I don't think her Father was a big fan of the Church and insisted his daughters just follow their heart even if that meant quitting the Church. 

Sometime in early 1989, Lisa's obstetrician said that she and Jimmy should learn the Lamaze method of childbirth.  So she signed up to take the classes, but Jimmy wasn't up for any classes.  I don't really remember why.  So I took his place at several classes.  Lisa wanted me there at the birth event, so I had to learn the method.  Very interesting stuff, and she did well at the classes.   But always was upset when Jimmy didn't join her.  He did show a couple times.  

When it got closer to the due date in May 1989, I would come to their apartment and help her practice.  Jimmy wouldn't do that either.  (I had moved out in early 1989 to my own small apartment. We'll discuss this adventure in a future post.)   On May 31st, I came over to the apartment to do the routine but when I got there, all hell broke loose.   First, Jimmy's parents were there, they were all having dinner together, when Lisa's water broke.  However, she didn't realize that was what had happened.  As a matter of fact, she had been in labor all day, but didn't know it.   The pains were not that strong she said.  After she showed me where her water broke, I told her that is what it was and then I ran out and told Jimmy.  He came in the room and stayed with Lisa while I called the doctor to him we were on our way to the hospital. The baby was coming!

Lisa felt there was no time to wait for an ambulance, so they decided Jimmy would drive her to the hospital.   I sat in the back seat and helped keep her calm.   I remember that Jimmy's parents drove separately.  We got Lisa in the car and tried to get her to be as comfortable as possible.  That was entirely difficult.   That baby was shooting to get out!   And then the sky opened up and it started storming and raining hard, and it was a mess to get to the hospital and not be revved up from the nasty weather and the new arrival just minutes from being born! 

We got to the hospital only to find out we were at the wrong entrance!!  More freaking drama and chaos.  Finally Jimmy got to the correct door, we shouted for someone to bring a wheelchair.  The hospital staff took over.  They got Lisa admitted, and got her in a birthing room.  They hooked up heart monitors and all sorts of commotion was going on, I don't remember it all. They checked for the baby's heartbeat, it was big and strong.  It was awesome, this was it!!  Then the nurse said the doctor wasn't there yet.  Dummy me told him the wrong hospital.  I gave the hospital where we had taken Lamaze classes, but Lisa later said that she had chosen to have the baby at another hospital in town.  Ay carumba!   My gosh, I was a nervous ass wreck during this. 

Meanwhile, the nurse also said that Lisa needed to use her Lamaze training, she could not get an epidural because she was already at 10 centimeters...and the baby was nearly starting down the birth canal.   Holy cow Batman!!!  And to my amazement Jimmy stepped in and took over helping Lisa focus on something and do her proper breathing.  I was happy he did that.  She once asked to hold my hand as she fought back the urge to push.  I had to tell her no.  Why?  Because I had memories of two years before when she had to have that surgery to remove her ovary.  She had grabbed my arm while in pain, and after having pushed the button that dosed her with pain meds, and she nearly tore my arm off.  After that, I said no to her ever grabbing my arm while in immense pain.  I cared about Lisa, but geez I still wanted to have an arm too!   LOL

Once the doctor got there, Lisa's Mother-in-law left the room.  She had birthed 4 kids of her own, she said she wasn't interested in being in there while someone else went through all the pain.  I stayed and of course Jimmy stayed.  The doctor gave her the go ahead to push and she did and within minutes, little Anthony James was born!  Only an hour and half lapsed between when Lisa's water broke to when Anthony James made his entrance to the world.  Truly a world record in births, maybe! 

The nurses checked him out head to toe, he was perfect!  I had never seen a live birth before, this was so awesome an event to behold!!!   Then the doctor said he had to stitch Lisa up, she had a pretty good tear at the vaginal opening and needed some stitches.  These would cause a lot of discomfort for several days.   They put Anthony James in her arms and the little family was now complete. 

....  I have never had any children of my own, I find it special in my heart to have been witness to the birth of my Godson.  It was spectacular, and dramatic, and nerve wracking and awesome!!!    I believe everyone should witness the birth of a baby.   It makes you realize how precious life is...and how beautiful every single baby is.  God blessed me with that unique experience.   I was just glad that Anthony James didn't decide to pop out while we were en route in the car to the hospital.   That would have been way too much more drama than any of us could stand.

The new little family

 

 Me holding newborn Anthony James

New Daddy Jimmy holding his son at home

New Mommy Lisa holding Anthony James in his bedroom

More Auntie Sue baby holding time!

 

 

Anthony James Baptism
Priest, Lisa holding Anthony James, Jimmy and Grandpa/Godfather in front

Me behind Lisa

 

 

Priest filling out the baptismal record

And Godmother Sue holding Anthony James again!!

I'd get a lot of time doing that...

 

Adventures In The Mountains ...

In June 1988, Lisa, Jimmy and I travelled up to Estes Park, driving I-70 past the Coors plant in Boulder, checking out a Lookout spot. It was the most fun weekend I remember we ever had.  

Jimmy loved to fish, so I believe that is why we went to Estes Park.  That was the prettiest park with a lake I have ever seen in my life.  I don't recall me catching anything, though I tried.   I do remember there being a water moccasin in the lake near where Jimmy was fishing.  I was freaking out.  At that time I hated even seeing a snake, I had a severe snake phobia then.  It never got on the bank where we were, but I kept a distance from that sucker. 

We didn't stay long at Estes Park, just long enough to smell the fresh mountain air and see the blue sky.  I loved being in the mountains, so different from my suburban home back in Missouri.   Where I am from is quite humid in the Summer and Colorado is anything but humid.  Instead of air conditioners as I am used to, they had swamp coolers.  They might look similar, but where air conditioners aim to remove humidity in the air, swamp coolers put humidity back in the air.  This is important, because too dry of air can give one sinus problems, and for me I got bloody noses a lot the first few months I lived there.

Now I am not 100% sure what camp ground we ended up going to for the weekend, but I do know that it was over 11,000 feet up in altitude.  Things are a little different that far up, little less oxygen and that has a weird affect on some.  Also it seems like you can touch the starts up that high.  And the sun is bearing down on you differently than at lower elevations like in St Louis. 

We found a campsite, pitched a tent and started a campfire.  Jimmy was really good at starting the fires and barbecuing as well.  We had plenty to eat, some adult beverages to consume, and Jimmy liked telling stories so he told us a freaky story.  I myself was a little weird from the word go as a child, in that I was fascinated with fires.  My dad used to make them in the BBQ pit and then wave his hands over the fire, as to look like they were going to be confused.  Jimmy didn't do that but his fire was good and roaring and putting off a lot of heat.  And I just the loved the look of it and the sound of the crackling it made. 

While we had the fire going so well, I hadn't noticed that the temperature was dropping .... really low.  When we had gotten there in the middle of the day it was probably in the 80s in Denver, but 70s or so in the Mountains.  At the campsite, apparently it had dropped into the 40s.  Can you say freezing?  We finally turned in for the night, Jimmy and Lisa in one huge sleeping bad, me in my own.  But by the middle of the freezing cold night, I had to join them, because it was SO darn cold, I was suffering a bit from hypothermia.  I couldn't sleep and we all three huddled together until the sun broke.  We put everything in the car and drove back down the hill.   And that is when my first ordeal with the changing elevation affected my ears .... really bad.   

My ears popped a lot coming down, and they were hurting so much.  When we got back home, I wasn't feeling well.  I eventually had to go see a doctor and have him check to see what the heck was going on there.  I found out I had a sinus infection and a blocked ear drum, that was what was causing the pain.  Jimmy had tried to help me by putting some oil in my ear, but that didn't help, and it was a little too warm to bear in my sensitive ear.  I was lucky that without medical insurance I could find a doctor that wouldn't charge me too much to be seen.  When I was in my early 20s, insurance wasn't anything I ever really worried about.   That of course changed as the years rolled on.   

~~~~~

Another time we went up in the mountains but this time it was in the winter.  We went up there and hung around Dillon Colorado.   Someone Lisa knew had a cabin or something like that up there that we girls would stay at.  One night we found a bar at the bottom of one of the ski slopes near Vale and I watched out the window at the skiers coming down the mountain and then they'd get on a ski lift to go back up and do it all again.  I couldn't ski, I had the weakest ankles.   Me and gizmos like skis wouldn't get along anyways, I was a known klutz with athletic equipment.  LOL.   But that was a pretty fun time, it was cold and snowy and slick outside.  Seems I was worried the entire drive we might slip off the mountain roads and head to our untimely deaths off the mountainside.  Obviously that didn't happen....I'm here to write about it.   

~~~~

Another time we went to Red Rocks Amphitheater, which is a venue carved out of the mountains in Morrison CO, where of course the Earth is red and rocky.  I don't remember who we saw, but it was most certainly a rock group of some sort.  I would be up there again a few years later and it looked the same.  At that time Lisa took me there and we saw Tesla and someone that opened for them.  Up until this point I had always thought it was Lifehouse, but I did some Internet searches and found that was not the case.  Could have been Poison, they did tour with Tesla back then.  I remember that back in 1992 I was more interested in Country music, so I wasn't thrilled with Lisa's music choice for a musical evening out, but in the end it was a fun time, and that Amphitheater has awesome acoustics!   

~~~~

The only other visit to the mountains I remember was with my bosses family when I worked at BMW Financial.   He had a cabin in the mountains outside of Aspen.  His daughter Coleen drove us up there and we enjoyed a night of dinner, drinking and stories.  And that the only bathroom was an outhouse.  Was that ever interesting for this "city" girl.   The roads winded and winded around slowly up that mountain, it was the most interesting drive I remember.   At points only one car could go up or down at a time on the road.  I would never have driven that....not then, not now.  Heights and narrow roads are not my friends.   :-)  

~~~~

.....thinking about times gone by and the many adventures I had had back then, I often wonder why I never wrote about these then.   It surely would have made remembering things now a bit easier.  But when you are young, as I was then, you often just live life and don't think about the future.  You think you are invincible, and not going to die, and not going to get old.  What silliness that all is!   We all have to die, most of us age and age until we get pretty old before that happens.  Why not write down some things for prosperity and for memory's sake?   You never know if you're going to want to write an autobiography or a blog for all to read.    And there is STILL more to share.  Keep on reading. 

  

One of my pics taken circa 1987 or 1988 in foothills of the Rockies. 

Love those red rocks!

Omission Of Mistakes....

I'm pausing again, this time to state that I am skipping a few stories from my life in Colorado.  Telling my part of the story, what I did wrong or went adrift in life, is not the problem.  The issue is that I don't wish to bring up every fault and failing of others.  I have tried to only state small transgressions of others, nothing so over the top that would create controversy here.  Other people's lives are always involved in a story when they meet your life in the story.   So consideration of how they might feel to have their past broadcast here is important to me.  I have to state some things, otherwise there could be no story to be said.  But I try very hard to choose my wording carefully.   

I am putting my reputation out there, that is my choice.  That was my choice from the beginning with this blog.   The couple of years in Colorado I am discussing now were eventful nearly all the time.  It was the biggest learning time in my life...   I wasn't a saint, I wasn't always helpful, and I certainly wasn't always selfless in considering my motives of things.  It took me a long time to get beyond me, my wants, my manipulations, my concerns, my self-centeredness.  And truth be told, living in Colorado was just one big saga of me being concerned about me, and running away from growing up really.  

So with that being said, I promise to tell you of some of the more interesting parts of my experience.   I do enjoy trying to remember some of the details.  And where I cannot recall timing or exact details, I do my best.   

....take small steps when wandering into sensitive areas.  Each step you make will affect someone else or something else.  There are more stories of Colorado, hang there, and see what comes next.

 

Tragedy Amongst Us....

Lisa's parents both smoked and both drank wine every night.  I think they were very close.  Her mom was an excellent cook, her dad was a good man and could fix anything.  He worked at TWA and could fix anything, and did his own car maintenance.  The family drove all the different models of Oldsmobile vehicles.  That was a pretty good manufacturer back in the 80s from what I recall.  There was routine every time I visited, and I just had to follow Lisa's lead because the whole thing was so different from the way I was raised. 

Now you have to understand Lisa's mom was very old school and very strict about a lot of things.  Things I was not used to at all.  She adamantly expected everyone living in her home and all her guests to remove their shoes at either door before walking anywhere in her home.   This was as foreign a concept to me as was speaking German, Lisa's Mother's native tongue.  I got reprimanded a few times for not doing this.  Lisa was the one that taught me this rule.  I was always tip toeing around like I was on eggshells walking in that house. 

There was the living room of all white furniture, never allowed to use that room until one Christmas.  It was a room to show off nice décor and I think her collection of things in a curio cabinet.  I was in shock when we got to go in that room, sit on the floor and exchange Christmas gifts one year.

Sometime I think in 1986 Lisa's parents made arrangements for the 3 of them to fly to Germany and stay there for a couple weeks.  They asked me to take care of their home, and their poodle dog Brandy.  I did.  I got to stay there and sleep in the guest bedroom.  I listened to their stereo and just enjoyed myself.  No one but my family knew I was staying there.  No one bothered me, and me and Brandy got along okay.  She was a cranky dog sometimes.  I remember watching MTV videos and seeing Whitney Houston sing some of her best songs.  And George Harrison sing "I Got My Mind Set On You."   I always have songs to remember certain events, this was a one that reminded me of that time.  

In 1987, Lisa's Mom had to be in the hospital for tests.   I went to visit her.  I don't know what they found then.   I don't know what symptoms she had been having, but I knew that Lisa being my best friend, I had to visit her mother in the hospital.  I think she was glad I came by.  I just wasn't the most comfortable in new situations then. 

After I moved to Aurora, CO, in March 1988, Lisa got the worst news from her Dad.  Her Mom had been diagnosed with terminal cancer.  Pancreatic cancer.   Lisa flew back home to ST Louis to see her mom.  She said that her mom wanted to take her shopping and ended up picking out a nice dress.  It was black.   Her mom looked thinner than she remembered her being.  I think the prognosis was 3-6 months to live.  Her dad worked to find a treatment center that could help prolong her life, it was in Houston.  Lisa's mom died before the arrangements could be made to do that.  She was only 56.  

The morning her mother died, we got a call early in the morning from her Dad that she had passed over night.  She had gotten up to use the restroom and collapsed.  She was all but 90 pounds or so.  Since Lisa's Dad worked for the airlines, she got to travel for only $10 a flight on standby.  Sometimes that meant waiting for a flight that had at least one seat left.  She and her sister flew out for the funeral.   It was the saddest time in my life.  Jimmy gave Lisa an Alf doll to put in her Mother's casket, he knew she loved Alf.  She was like Jimmy's 2nd mom. 

This was in June 1988.   During this same Spring 3 of my relatives had passed within a couple months of each other.  My Dad lost two of his sister's Peggy and Doris, and Mom lost her oldest brother Cyril.  I missed all the funerals.   My brother latter wrote me and said it was a pretty depressing time.  And mom must have gotten tired of going to a funeral about every other week.  But she went to all four of them, I do believe.  

.....death is a part of life.  Some believe it is just the beginning to a new life.   Those left to mourn their loss sometimes have to spend a long time sorting through their feelings about the loved one lost, some move on quite quickly after a short mournful time.  Each of us has a different relationship and different emotional sense about such things.   There really is no right or wrong length of time to mourn someone.  More to come about the after effects of Lisa's Mom's death to come. 

New Home, New Jobs ...

Now that I was in Denver, things had to be done.  I had to find a job.  Jimmy and Lisa were supportive and didn't push me into getting a job or worry about paying for anything until I did.  I think I got a job 2 weeks after moving out there.  Now I don't recall the exact order of the jobs I had, but I do remember some incidents while there, worth noting. 

At one point I worked part-time at Kmart, where Jimmy's Mom worked.  Let me say this unequivocally.  I HATED THAT JOB!  I didn't like standing on my feet all day in one spot and there was no time to meet other coworkers and get to know anyone.  This was back in the day before sliding credit cards through card readers.  This was the time when you had to get the credit card machine and a carbon form and slide the gizmo over to imprint the card info on the form.   Very time consuming for customers to wait, and if you messed up any of it, you had to do it over.   You had to call a number to make sure the card was valid.  I got plenty of denials...aggravating that's all I can say. 

Later on while still at Kmart, I got a second part time job with a real estate company, working as the receptionist.  My schedule was set up where I worked a Kmart in the morning, and the real estate office in the afternoon.  Why the RE office didn't want a full time receptionist, I don't know.  But in the morning Evelyn would be in the office.   I'd take over for her and things rolled on along.  Now, I cannot say I hated this job, but it wasn't the most efficient place.  Real estate agents coming and going, and giving me notes about things I had to remember.   I had to print off MLS records of new listings, and I had to do a lot of other things. 

The big problem came after I was there maybe 2 or 3 months, when Evelyn came through my line at Kmart one day.  I had no idea why she was at the store I worked at.  I don't think she lived anywhere around there.   But one day I had mentioned to her that I got paid every Friday in cash.  Why Kmart did that, I don't know.  Why I told her that, I don't remember.   So one day I showed up at the RE office on a Friday, put my purse in the drawer next to Evelyn's and then went to retrieve some MLS reports off the fax machine.  I came back and Evelyn was leaving.  Didn't think a thing about it, until later.  I went in my purse sometime later in the day and realized my income from Kmart, the cash I earned from the prior week's work, was gone!  Now I knew good and well I didn't actually see anyone take it.  But Evelyn was the only person in the office up at the receptionist desk during the short period of time I was away from the desk.  My thought was she took it.  I went to my boss in private and mentioned that I suspected she took my money, figuring he'd help find out.  Well, was I ever wrong!   The next day after he had spoken with Evelyn, I was surprisingly LET GO!  I was stunned and livid!   The president gave me my final check and said I was not needed anymore. 

The next day, Evelyn calls my home saying SHE was sorry that I was let go.  I told her that I thought she was the one that took my money, she of course denied it.  Then for the top shocker of them all, she told me that she had gotten hired to work FULL TIME at the office.  When I got hired a couple months prior, they told me they didn't want a Full Time person cause they'd have to pay full benefits, now they hired her, after she possibly stole from me.  I felt like I had been kicked in the gut and then stomped on.   I hadn't done anything wrong, in my mind.  I accused her of stealing from me, and I get fired?   What the Hell?

******
Another job I had was working at Silo, with Lisa.  Which was very convenient.  We rode together, she taught me my work, and I got to meet a bunch of fun and interesting people.   We had to enter purchase orders and invoices into their computer system, and periodically do inventory.  I did like this job a lot.  It was more up my alley of work, and it provided me with good money to live off of.  I actually worked for a Temp Company, Lisa actually worked for Silo.   They told me my assignment was for 6months to possibly permanent.  So I wished and wished it would turn to permanent.  It did not.  But I enjoyed the camaraderie amongst the crew I worked with while there.  The one person that stands out to me was Tony.  He was gay.  But a funny gay guy at that.  Everyone loved Tony!   He made the room light up with his awesome humor and his knowledge about so many things.  He'd hang around all us girls and just have us cracking up, every time.  I love that about work environments.   Laughter is so much needed in the business environment, when stress is at an all time high, laughter helps chill the mood.  And it is always contagious.  :-)


******
I had one job that didn't last long and it was a 2nd shift position.  I started at 3:30pm and got off at Midnight.  It was working with student loan applications and loading information about each student and loan in a system.  That was it!   The most boring job I had ever had in my life.  Thank god it didn't last long, I found a full time job as a data entry person in a CPA firm.   This would be the job that I loved the most and hung with the rest of my time while living in Denver. 

The company was called BMW Financial Inc.  Had nothing to do with the car manufacturer BMW.  Instead those are the initials of the last names of the 3 owners of the company.  The office crew was small, I believe 7 or 8.   And we shared office space with another company, though I have no idea what those folks did.  Their receptionist was the first person anyone would see. Yours truly was in the far back office, entering data for each account we had, everyday. 

I loved this job because I was like a bookkeeper in training.  It was mellow enough that we were allowed to listen to a radio all day, and busy enough that I never got bored.  And challenging enough that I got to use the really cool IBM computer to create new forms for the clients that needed them.   I was in a place that let me create, do work that involved a lot of math, and did not have too many distractions to upset my balance, so to speak.  Jim's daughter Coleen worked there.  She was sometimes a pill and half.  She was married to a guy from Pakistan I think and they had a little boy.  And Jim's wife would stop in every so often.  She made me nervous for some reason.   Deana was the lone woman owner, and she wasn't there the whole of my employment there.  She ended up with some severe headaches but not sure what from.  She ended up selling her part of the company to Jim and the other male owner (name escapes me) and leaving.   She's the one that hired me and so I was sad to see her go. 

Diane was the actual bookkeeper.  She sat in another room, connected to the one I was in.  She was a force and a half.  I was at BMW for a little over a year, until I left Denver and moved back to Missouri.  Diane left the company before I did.  She got offered a job somewhere else, by one of our clients, and took her Rolodex with her, and attempted to convince many of our clients to go with her new company.  Some did.  Of course the owners were pissed with that whole thing.  It got a little tense in the office when all of this went down.  

Cindy was our lone sales person....garnering new accounts all the time.  She was in the office sporadically, and I have to say I loved Cindy!  She had 2 kids both of which that were allergic to wheat.  I heard and learned a lot about how difficult it was (back in 1989) to find foods that kids could eat that were Gluten Free.  She explained how long it took to figure this was the reason for her kids constant illnesses.  That had always made an impression on me, surely why I remember that story until now.  She was a good Mama and a good Sales person. 

At some point Lisa, my roomie, lost her job at Silo.  My boss was looking for another data entry clerk, I think I mentioned the opening to her and she came on board.  This was one of my biggest mistakes.  But to understand why, you'd have to hear the story of how Lisa ticked.   It didn't take me long to realize I shouldn't have told her about the job.  I know she needed a job, for many good reasons, but working with one's closest friend can have repercussions at home and in the work place.    Something to talk about in my next post.  



.....  when you go off on your own for the first time, things are new and fresh, and sometimes so thrilling you don't see all the ramifications of your new choices and new options.  Where some things seem logical, other things seem to interfere with your plans.  And some things come out of nowhere to upset the whole life you had created.   I had plenty of that type of thing going on while living in Denver.  Plenty.  And you'll just have to read on more to find out what else went on.   These were the days of much of my life's learning.....

First job in Aurora Co

 

 

Aurora on a map, East of Denver proper

 

 

 

Denver bound ....

Now for the most part I have been omitting some things that I did, overheard, or know about some people I have mentioned.  I don't wish to denigrate anyone's reputation, that is not my goal here.  But part of my life's journey involves all kinds of experiences, from the controversial to the very tragic.  I wish not to divulge full names here because I don't think that is necessary.  Understanding how difficult some choices were, how and why I decided what I did, that is the story I wish to leave.  It's my journey, some of these people were there along the way.  I wish no ill will on any of these people.  If I did in the past, I do not now.  I am 25 years older and understand people make mistakes, do stupid things and most of the time it is out of ignorance or faulty thinking (emotional thinking and reacting on just emotion) and can get you into trouble often. 

**** So the Fall of 1987 came and went, I was still saving money, still working at Bob Schultz, and suddenly I get a call that explains something has changed in the plans for me going out West.  Lisa has moved in with her boyfriend Jimmy and his sister and her husband.   I was like okay, where am I supposed to live?   When I would get out there I was going to have my own room.  And by then Jimmy's sister and her husband had moved out.   The whole thing was a little unnerving for me at first.  I never lived with a couple other than my parents, and honestly, by the time I was old enough to understand marriage and all that, my parents had moved into different rooms.  So the idea of living with a couple in that arrangement bothered me.  Call me strange or whatever, although I had wanted a boyfriend, like Gary, I had never really thought far enough out about living with a guy....everyday, all the time. And since I didn't even really know Jimmy that well, this arrangement made it more difficult for me to accept at first.

Another call later, I find out that Lisa's sister was doing drugs.  Well that was great.  What on Earth was I getting myself into??  I went on some holier than thou speech to Lisa about having an issue with all these things, that quite frankly I wasn't sure I wanted to "take on" in my everyday life.  I think we had a little spat about the whole thing, but in the back of my mind, I really wanted to move out of my parents' house and this was the only way I saw I could do it.   My friend Chris E. and  her Mom tried to talk me out of going, and to get my college degree.  Oh yeah, I had tried to get a Pell Grant from the state to go to UMSL but was denied it, and then after I had all these plans to move, I got another letter saying they re-evaluated my case and had accepted me and would be able to give me a grant afterall.   I was so pissed.  Here were plans to go do something fun, and the idea of college had been dismissed, only to have this opportunity to pop up again and I stubbornly dismissed it again!  This would be one of the biggest regrets of my life...

****

I continued to box up my summer clothes and sent by UPS to Lisa and she saved all my boxes for me.   In my designated bedroom.  When the time came to actually leave, I only had about 1/2 carload of boxes and the rest of my clothes that I didn't box up.  Lisa S. rode along with me when we set out in mid March 1998.  I left Bob Schultz behind, said goodbye to my family, and neighborhood friends and I am sure to others as well.  We started driving, and within 8 hours realized we were headed for some really nasty winter weather.  It was dark as coal out in the middle of Kansas on Hwy 70 in the night time.  What I hadn't known at that time, was my alternator was on the fritz.  And as I drove, I gradually noticed my headlights getting dimmer and dimmer.  We found a motel to stay at, in Goodland Kansas.  We couldn't go much further anyway, they had blocked the highway at the first exit in Colorado due to blizzard conditions.  I pulled into the parking lot, parked, and turned off the motor.  And then realized the stupid thing wouldn't restart.  The alternator belt had shot craps.  Well, I decided we'd worry about that whole thing in the morning.  No one was going to be able to take off with my car unless they could tow it, so it was pretty safe. 

Got some sleep and in the morning, a Sunday, thought I was never gonna find anyone to help me tow my car and find a shop that would be open to fix it, but my guardian angel was looking over me, and we did find a shop, and got a new belt installed on it and I think it was about $40.  I was glad it wasn't more.   We got back on the road, but because Hwy 70 was blocked right on the other side of the state line, we had to stop at the tourist center and seek another route.  We ended up taking the Hwy that went further South and bypassed most of the nasty winter weather, it headed to Colorado Springs.  Having no idea in the world what I was about to run into, I am sure I said a prayer, though I wasn't really practicing any faith at the time.  (ANOTHER topic for later).  We drove and drove, using the map I bought, and it was the weirdest thing I ever remember seeing in my life.  The white snow was mixing with the reddish Earth and tumbleweeds, the sky looked like it was snowing colorful snow!   I had never seen it before or since.  I remember making comments about it, like jokingly to Lisa S.  She laughed.  She always laughed at the silly stuff I said.  I was glad she was there. 

Now further into this detour we needed to refuel, but had no idea where the gas stations were.  It wasn't like you could see things far ahead, and this wasn't an interstate highway, so there weren't all the fancier big signs to let you know when food or gas was coming up.  We were getting low on fuel, I remember getting quite nervous of being stranded out in the middle Colorado in a blizzard with a car that wasn't 100% reliable.  BUT we finally found a station, gassed up, and continued on our way.  I was more interested in getting to my final destination than looking at things around me or taking pictures.  I wish now I had taken some pictures.  It might have been great to add to this post.  

I had taken a lot of change with me and called Lisa R. when we stopped off in Colorado Springs.  Back at the motel, I called and charged it to the room, so I paid for one call there.  On the road though needed change, there were no cell phones in my life back then, most of them came with the higher end cars.  My Dodge Omni was not a high end car, by any means.  I let her know we were on a detour and had no idea when I would be in Denver, but as soon as we hit I25, I knew things would speed up quick.  This highway goes North and South on the Eastern plains near the base of the Rocky Mountains.  Since the winter blizzard didn't allow any visibility, I didn't get to enjoy the drive during the day to see the Mountain range as we got closer to them  It was a long long day to drive so far out of the way.   But we finally got into town, it was dark again.  Got on Alameda and drove to my new apartment, my new digs as I call them now.  I was never so glad to have that entire road trip behind me. 

Lisa S. stayed with us for a couple days.   We had one night of partying before Lisa S. went back home.  I loved to drink alcohol back then, so I know I got a little buzzed and that helped calmed my nerves.   After that was over, Lisa S took a flight back to St. Louis, and back to her home.  It would now be a never ending saga of one drama after another....  ooh, I don't want to give away anything yet.   You have to read up on it all next time.

..... journeys from home to the unknown can be filled with excitement or fear, contentment or panic.  My saga was filled with all these things and more.  You often learn a lot about yourself (and others) through the super joy joys, and the super discontented times....  I didn't always behave well or mature, or even close to rational.   But I learned from all these adventures and my reactions to them.   It took a lifetime to feel safe and secure of mind to even begin to share all this.   But in the sharing I hope to illustrate how slowly I learned to find myself....there is so much to share, I hope you hang on and continue to read on.   

Yours truly (with cigarette in hand), Lisa S., and Lisa's sister

 

Jimmy and Lisa R. (my new roomies)

Illness and Growing Up....

I haven't written this week because I have been under the weather.  But today I felt like writing a little.  

When I was a kid I was often sick with colds and bronchitis.  So much so, that it was like clockwork in November around my birthday for me to get sick and not enjoy part of that month of the year.  When I was in High School we had to take PE for two years as a prerequisite to graduation.   My freshmen year I believe I did all the requirements of the class, including getting on a bus in November and heading toward the YMCA and swimming for the class and then getting back on the bus and go back to normal routine of my other classes.   I got a nasty cold as always and my Mom wasn't pleased that I had to be in the cold and have wet hair and all that after swimming.   When I was in my Sophomore year and that time of year rolled around, my Mom told me that she didn't want me swimming at all.  I told Mrs. Hillemann who understood, and so while all the girls in my class left to swim I had to do other things to be active.  

Later that same year we were running a lot and I got a bad case of the shin splints, and had to quit running.  I was told that these are caused by running on hard ground or concrete.  Pretty painful, my shins would ache and hurt whether I was running or not.   Again because I couldn't do what the others were doing so this time I was told I had to read some books on sports medicine.  I decided to read up on shins splints and I had to write a book report, actually I might have had to type it up.  I got an excellent grade and became more knowledgeable of the problem I suffered because of that.   To this day I remember that the best thing to prevent shins splints is to walk or run on grass and wear really good running shoes with good cushioned insoles to take the impact when you shoe hits the ground.

When I was in kindergarten I got the Chicken Pox, and was driven home by the school nurse (who does that anymore?) to get away from the rest of the children.   My siblings and I all had them that year around Christmas.  Ever since then it seems like CP pops up all the time, with someone's kid or grandkid getting them.   My memory always was of what I missed that day....going to the Fire Dept. and getting on the big red truck.   In my head, that was the best thing a kid could do!   I missed it and brought it up over the years whenever the discussion was about CP.  I'm telling you now, no one cares about hearing your same sob story over and over.   I don't bring it up anymore....no we adults now talk about hoping not to get Shingles, something you can get later in life if you ever had CP.  

I think I will just get better from this nasty sinus infection and be glad I didn't get bronchitis again, and hope to be back to 100% and writing every day for you all to read and enjoy my journey in this thing we call life.