Tragedy Amongst Us....

Lisa's parents both smoked and both drank wine every night.  I think they were very close.  Her mom was an excellent cook, her dad was a good man and could fix anything.  He worked at TWA and could fix anything, and did his own car maintenance.  The family drove all the different models of Oldsmobile vehicles.  That was a pretty good manufacturer back in the 80s from what I recall.  There was routine every time I visited, and I just had to follow Lisa's lead because the whole thing was so different from the way I was raised. 

Now you have to understand Lisa's mom was very old school and very strict about a lot of things.  Things I was not used to at all.  She adamantly expected everyone living in her home and all her guests to remove their shoes at either door before walking anywhere in her home.   This was as foreign a concept to me as was speaking German, Lisa's Mother's native tongue.  I got reprimanded a few times for not doing this.  Lisa was the one that taught me this rule.  I was always tip toeing around like I was on eggshells walking in that house. 

There was the living room of all white furniture, never allowed to use that room until one Christmas.  It was a room to show off nice décor and I think her collection of things in a curio cabinet.  I was in shock when we got to go in that room, sit on the floor and exchange Christmas gifts one year.

Sometime I think in 1986 Lisa's parents made arrangements for the 3 of them to fly to Germany and stay there for a couple weeks.  They asked me to take care of their home, and their poodle dog Brandy.  I did.  I got to stay there and sleep in the guest bedroom.  I listened to their stereo and just enjoyed myself.  No one but my family knew I was staying there.  No one bothered me, and me and Brandy got along okay.  She was a cranky dog sometimes.  I remember watching MTV videos and seeing Whitney Houston sing some of her best songs.  And George Harrison sing "I Got My Mind Set On You."   I always have songs to remember certain events, this was a one that reminded me of that time.  

In 1987, Lisa's Mom had to be in the hospital for tests.   I went to visit her.  I don't know what they found then.   I don't know what symptoms she had been having, but I knew that Lisa being my best friend, I had to visit her mother in the hospital.  I think she was glad I came by.  I just wasn't the most comfortable in new situations then. 

After I moved to Aurora, CO, in March 1988, Lisa got the worst news from her Dad.  Her Mom had been diagnosed with terminal cancer.  Pancreatic cancer.   Lisa flew back home to ST Louis to see her mom.  She said that her mom wanted to take her shopping and ended up picking out a nice dress.  It was black.   Her mom looked thinner than she remembered her being.  I think the prognosis was 3-6 months to live.  Her dad worked to find a treatment center that could help prolong her life, it was in Houston.  Lisa's mom died before the arrangements could be made to do that.  She was only 56.  

The morning her mother died, we got a call early in the morning from her Dad that she had passed over night.  She had gotten up to use the restroom and collapsed.  She was all but 90 pounds or so.  Since Lisa's Dad worked for the airlines, she got to travel for only $10 a flight on standby.  Sometimes that meant waiting for a flight that had at least one seat left.  She and her sister flew out for the funeral.   It was the saddest time in my life.  Jimmy gave Lisa an Alf doll to put in her Mother's casket, he knew she loved Alf.  She was like Jimmy's 2nd mom. 

This was in June 1988.   During this same Spring 3 of my relatives had passed within a couple months of each other.  My Dad lost two of his sister's Peggy and Doris, and Mom lost her oldest brother Cyril.  I missed all the funerals.   My brother latter wrote me and said it was a pretty depressing time.  And mom must have gotten tired of going to a funeral about every other week.  But she went to all four of them, I do believe.  

.....death is a part of life.  Some believe it is just the beginning to a new life.   Those left to mourn their loss sometimes have to spend a long time sorting through their feelings about the loved one lost, some move on quite quickly after a short mournful time.  Each of us has a different relationship and different emotional sense about such things.   There really is no right or wrong length of time to mourn someone.  More to come about the after effects of Lisa's Mom's death to come.